


Fly Down

by Katsuragi



Series: The Boy and The Barista [2]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Character Death Fix, Depression, Eventual Relationships, Fix-It, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Post-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, Time Skips
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-05
Updated: 2018-10-06
Packaged: 2019-07-07 09:27:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 43,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15905511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Katsuragi/pseuds/Katsuragi
Summary: Sojiro: You better come to Leblanc.Akira hasn't been there in months. The last time he helped Sojiro in the cafe was when he was yet to finish his third year.





	1. What We Lost

**Author's Note:**

> IT'S GONNA GET SO MUCH BETTER I PROMISE.
> 
> So, before we start, I know I said I'm done with angst but come ooooooooon. I need to drain all angst resources before I focus entirely on fluff. Of which there's going to be a lot. A. Loooooot. 
> 
> If you haven't read the previous fic, you can understand pretty much everything without it anyway. But some scenes will make a lot more sense if you know where to look.
> 
> I know, the tags are scary as shit but listen. There will be a happy ending 100%. The first two chapters are painful tho. I might have fucked up my boy Akira too much to make him better immediately.
> 
> Again, read the tags before reading, PLEASE.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S GONNA GET SO MUCH BETTER I PROMISE.
> 
> So, before we start, I know I said I'm done with angst but come ooooooooon. I need to drain all angst resources before I focus entirely on fluff. Of which there's going to be a lot. A. Loooooot.
> 
> If you haven't read the previous fic, you can understand pretty much everything without it anyway. But some scenes will make a lot more sense if you know where to look.
> 
> I know, the tags are scary as shit but listen. There will be a happy ending 100%. The first two chapters are painful tho. I might have fucked up my boy Akira too much to make him better immediately.
> 
> Again, read the tags before reading, PLEASE.

There is something soothing in the way city lights up in the morning. The sun barely peeks from behind the horizon, coloring the sky yellow, the birds already chirping to welcome another day. The low hum of the city never seems to waver, the people in Tokyo ensuring the city never goes to sleep. In the calm of the dawn, Morgana strolls around the neighborhood, enjoying the tranquility and the feeling of laziness that only sunrise can bring.

The cold from the night is still lingering, not yielding to the warmth of the sun, and the cat feels guilty about leaving the window in the attic slightly ajar when leaving. While the air from outside shouldn’t pose a problem by itself, the fact that the room has barely any heating is the issue. The small heater they always leave turned on for the night provides almost no comfort in the face of the winter chill.

Morgana figures an hour or two won’t make any difference. With how little time Akira spent outside for the past two weeks, he could use some fresh air. The cat jumps on the roof of the nearby building, perching himself up on the top and looking down at the traffic getting busier by the second. It’s the final chance for him to meditate before the thieves’ final heist.

They’re threading the needle with how long it takes to finish Shido’s Palace. And after taking such a short time to secure the route to the treasure, too. Under different circumstances, it would be a waste to wait until the last day with sending the calling card. Morgana closes his eyes and sighs, thinking back to the reason why these circumstances could never come to pass.

With a heavy heart he recalls how hectic the last two weeks were, and how uneventful they might seem to a third party. The attic is still, as still as it can be, even with the presence of the one boy who occupies its space. But outside, the people who never realized how busy that boy usually is, are now running errands in his stead. 

They tried to get Akira out of bed, several times for the past few days, in fact. It never wielded any results other than a passive scoff or an aggressive growl, followed by him barricading himself from the others by tucking the blanket more firmly around him. Now that his guardian knows about their identities, there was no reason for them to hide the cause of Akira’s lethargy. Sojiro had to call Shujin to inform them about Akira’s prolonged absence, excusing it with a sudden family matter, forcing him to go back to his hometown for a while. 

Morgana jumps down onto the street, slowly making his way back to the attic. They can’t wait anymore. They’re left with no days to spare, and too much relies on the success of this mission, too much concerning Akira himself. Too many things that Akira most likely forgot about already.

They need their leader. As much as the leader himself tries to reason with the rest of the thieves about being a dead weight, and telling the group to go without him. And they will need to, if today will result in Akira being unable to walk out of Leblanc yet again. 

Morgana opens the window in the attic, making sure to close it behind him this time. Akira is still asleep, unsurprising and expected, given the still early hour and his reluctance to move a muscle regardless of what time it is anyway. But the cat won’t let him sleep this time, he had enough rest for the past two weeks.

Morgana jumps down on the bed, standing close to Akira’s face when he speaks up, “Akira.” The ravenette doesn’t wake up, but stirs slightly as if taking notice of the use of his name. The cat puts the paw on his face, pushing lightly and trying to coax the boy to wake up. “Akira, get up.”

And Akira does, opening his eyes with a loud gasp, thrashing and kicking the blanket away, sending Morgana flying. The cat lands on the floor with a loud thud, groaning and cursing. He always forgets that the safest way to wake Akira up, is not to stand in his close proximity. 

Akira wildly looks around the room, noticing Morgana. The cat sees the sudden change in the boy’s gaze, how his eyes shone brightly a second ago, now dimming quickly with disappointment. It’s not hard to notice how Morgana wasn’t the one Akira was hoping to hear his name from. Akira quickly lays back down, meaning to tuck himself in again, leaving no space for arguments, but the cat jumps on the bed before he has a chance to get away.

“I’m sorry, but I can’t let you sleep anymore. We’re running out of time.” he says with a commanding voice. 

Akira, not to be intimidated, shoves the cat aside and turns around, flailing the blanket theatrically as if to prove his point without saying a word. Before it has a chance to fall on Akira, Morgana slips under it, scratching Akira’s back. The boy is not the only one to have a point to prove. 

The cat regrets it in a second, feeling how Akira grabs him by the collar and throws him out of the bed. “Leave me alone!” the thief screams, his voice the loudest Morgana heard it being recently. After unwillingly landing on the floor two times in a quick succession, the cat has enough of the disrespect. The group gave Akira enough time to mourn, but there is no more of it left.

The thieves agreed not to mention anything about Akechi to Akira, remembering how the ravenette reacted the first time he heard any mention about him after the incident in the engine room. It was bad enough as it was, with Akira laying unmoving on the bed, eyes empty and looking at nothing in particular. He didn’t speak, didn’t eat, only the nightmares forced him to show any sign of life. 

But when one of them said something about Akechi with Akira being within an earshot, they immediately regretted it. All the emotions the ravenette tried to hold inside himself to prevent burdening the group, all the sorrow and grief spilled out of him at once. And since then, they figured it’s best to let the matter rest, not forgetting about the detective, but not speaking about him either. 

But with the deadline coming up, Morgana has to take a chance. 

“You promised him!”

Akira freezes, lips trembling and eyes wide open. He turns his head slowly, looking in front of him and back straightening out for the first time in weeks. If Akira thinks it’s the only reason for him to get up right now, that’s okay. Once he’s with them again, the group will make sure he’ll have plenty of other reasons to come back to them.

The sun shines high in the sky, and the Phantom Thieves prepare to send their last calling card. The most spectacular one yet, reaching heavens for one of their own to know his promise will not go unfulfilled.

~~~~~

The final battle breaks out, and Akira’s intentions are crystal clear. There is no mercy in the way he swings his blades, no caution in the wild flurry of attacks he unloads on Shido. If the thieves will let him do what he wants, there is little to no doubt Akira will kill him in cold blood. 

They didn’t notice at first, didn’t stop him from trying to put himself on the front lines. Even without the thieves’ help, Akira managed to hold his own, blindly firing his gun and recklessly leaving too many openings for Shido to take advantage of. And yet, Akira remains unharmed with the help of the new persona, whose watchful eye reminds the group too much of a certain boy, always putting himself in danger in Akira’s stead.

The battle comes to an end, and Shido’s defeated form seems to be the last of their worries. Akira is restless, baring his teeth and struggling to escape from the arms holding him in place. Only one attack will be enough to end Shido’s life, and the group is too tired to drag this any longer. When the treasure is finally within their grasp, Morgana takes a hold of it, the rest still busy with stopping Akira from making another move.

And then the palace starts collapsing, way too early for it to be normal. The escape is the most hectic one they ever had to go through, with the halls being way too narrow for Morgana to get everyone to safety in time. There is no safe place to begin with, when the ship starts sinking and the halls are flooded with water. The thieves run to the highest place they can manage to get to, and their only means of escape is the lone boat hanging out of their reach.

If they had more time and weren’t in the imminent danger of drowning, Morgana would scold Ryuji for even thinking about such risky plan of escape. But they have no such luxuries, and if they won’t do something fast, they will all go down with the ship. And when they’re all safely crammed in a boat and the ship explodes, Morgana can only think of cursing Ryuji for possibly destroying the last remnants of the spirit of the Phantom Thieves.

They all find themselves in front of the Diet Building, safe and sound. Except Ryuji. They call for him, look around, but he’s nowhere to be found. One death nearly broke them, the second one will be their end. Morgana is scared of what this will mean for their leader, not looking him in the eyes, still hoping and searching.

Until they hear a familiar voice, joking around like nothing happened. The immense relief washes over the group, the girls letting out their anger in possibly the worst imaginable way, but Morgana has to admit the blonde deserves it. Morgana turns his head to look at Akira, smiling and expecting the raven to do the same. Everything will be okay from now on.

Akira looks disappointed. With one last look at the Diet Building, his eyes burning with disdain, Akira turns around, and taking advantage of the commotion he slips away without a word.

~~~~~ 

_Just don’t think. You can do this._

One day later, when all is said and done, Akira comes back to school. The finals are coming, after all. He should get home and study, spend his time on something which he has control over. So after the classes end, no one disturbs Akira on the way out of the building, the air around him so dense it’s almost suffocating. 

He’s thankful for Morgana’s presence, never saying it but hoping the cat will sense it somehow. His random remarks and playful comments keep Akira grounded in reality, preventing him from floating away and losing himself inside his head. That small piece of normalcy is the only thing keeping Akira from going insane. 

He waits on the train station, careful not to let his eyes stray away from the tracks. There is no one for him to wait for. 

_No. Don’t think._

“Morgana.”

The cat stirs in the bag, careful not to give away his presence, but listening nonetheless.

“Tell me something.”

Blue eyes peek from inside the bag, confusion showing on his face. “Like what?”

“Anything. What do you see?” 

With a short glance at Akira, the boy ignoring the concern in the cat’s eyes, Morgana starts talking. The words mix together, not making sense after just few sentences, but Akira doesn’t need understanding. He closes his eyes, taking few deep breath and focusing on the voice spewing nonsense from inside his bag. His anxiety raises when the voice stops, Akira’s eyes flying open and breath hitching. “Akira?”

“Keep talking.” He replies with a shaky voice. The words keep coming and Akira’s breath evens out, the thief trying to keep it steady until he hears a loud screech.

He boards the train, leaving the station with a sigh of relief. Everything will be okay when he gets to Leblanc.

A week passes, and Akira looses himself in the routine of going to school, only to come back to the café and surround himself with notes and books. Studying became his only reprieve, and at the pace he’s going, even his prolonged absence will not stop him from reaching the best score. 

In these few short days, he became addicted to it. The days in which sleep seemed to be his only friend are long gone, the nightmares effectively ruining Akira’s sanity every night, reminding him of his place and not letting him forget about his failures. 

Until the nightmares become reality. Because one day, the Metaverse and the real world merge together, creating hell and leaving the mess on the thieves’ shoulders once again. Akira was more than happy to forget about the Phantom Thieves, forget about the changes of hearts, about the palaces and personas. So to know they will have to go against a god, of all things, is too much for Akira’s mind to handle.

He feels like he’s in a dream, the scene too surreal for his brain to comprehend. There is a rain of blood, people who don’t seem to notice anything unusual, a massive spine emerging from the ground, creating yet another palace for the thieves to deal with. And what can they do, really? Akira was never able to help anybody, it turns out, much less people he most cares about, and now the weight of saving an entire world is on his shoulders. 

There is no other way but forward, so the thieves push on with their leader smiling to himself the entire way, laughing at the joke that are their chances at succeeding. But the end is finally within their reach, and the victory doesn’t seem to be as unattainable as they previously thought. The Holy Grail stands before them, the last enemy on their path to peace. 

Akira should have known better to get his hopes up. The society is way too ignorant to help them in any way, healing the cup constantly and making it seem like the thieves are the ones in the wrong. Maybe they are. Akira can’t judge this, his own sense of right and wrong is long gone anyway. If people are happy with the world as it is, who are the Phantom Thieves to tell them otherwise. With Akira’s luck, if they destroy the Holy Grail, it might as well doom the entire world, and Akira will not be able to deal with the guilt then.

They don’t even get the chance to harm it, being ejected from the palace soon after the beginning of the battle. Not without the punishment, Akira realizes, looking at his teammates’ disappearing forms, closing his eyes with conformity. Nothing changed, after all. 

Akira feels himself vanish piece by piece. Only Morgana is left, announcing the failure of their mission before being erased completely, like Akira didn’t know that already. As long as he’s in this team, no mission could end in success. As long as he’s in this team, his friends can’t feel safe. And now, they can’t feel anything anyway, gone to the place Akira will see soon after. He gives one last smile, knowing it couldn’t end any other way.

As his last bits of consciousness fade away, Akira thinks how death is the only thing he deserves.

~~~~~

The god is disappointed. Figures. Akira feels like a child being scolded by his parents. He never cared about anything they ever said to him, so he’s not going to change his attitude now. Failed rehabilitation, the god said, and Akira couldn’t agree more. 

It started off as a pretty fun idea, playing the savior and trying to help as many people as he can. Akira recalls having so many self-expectations, so many hopes for the future and determination able to move mountains. But he was always meant to be a fraud, a false prophet, relying on other people to make himself feel better, say the right thing here and there and make others believe he was the one who saved them. They saved themselves, every single one of his confidants. 

The god offers him a deal. The world will return to how it was before, the Phantom Thieves will be heroes, and everyone will be happy. Sure. If only it was that easy. 

The Holy Grail, if that is his real name, seems to think Akira haven’t changed at all. Like all he wants is fame and recognition, respect from his friends and the entire world, for all the good he’s ever done. Jokes on him. The world can burn, for all Akira cares. He’s never done anything else but be a bother for everyone around him.

_‘You wasted my time.’_

He was right. Akira doesn’t know why he never realized it. Anyone else could have the same powers as him and do a better job. But he was arrogant, he believed that he can make a difference, that there is a reason for him being a trickster. What a joke.

Akira refuses the deal, not because of the compassion or the goodness of heart, but because the thought of him accepting the deal and enslaving the whole world makes him sick. He is not so far gone to believe that people worshipping the Phantom Thieves will make him feel any better. Akira’s done enough to know he deserves no praise.

It was the right decision, of course. It seems this whole time the master of the velvet room was an impostor, setting Akira on a journey with no destination. This whole thing was for naught. No rehabilitation was meant to happen, he was a plaything for the false god’s amusement. How fitting. At least Akira knows that all the talk about him being special was just to feed his ego.

His teammates are safe, locked somewhere in the velvet room. Each one of them has the same doubts as Akira, and having to reassure them and deny all their uncertainties makes Akira’s stomach churn. He’s doing it again, barely saying anything and letting his friends do the math on their own. He’s not helping, he’s not changing anything. How can simple “Do you really think that?” make any difference?

The breaks Akira needs to take between talking with his teammates get longer with each one of them. He leans on the wall, taking deep breaths, so they can trust in him for a while longer, so he can be useful one last time. He hates lying to them. All the encouragements and hopes for the future he believes no more. He finds the rest of his friends, always appearing as calm and collected as he can be, to make it seem like he’s the fearless leader they can depend on.

He searches all over the place, but Morgana is nowhere to be found. He sincerely hopes it has something to do with his search of his own identity, the velvet room providing answers and sending him somewhere else. But there is someone else Akira is looking for.

It’s irrational and too good to be true, but he won’t rest until he’ll make sure Goro is not here. So he searches every nook and cranny, examining the walls and already empty cells, but finds nothing. No secret passages, no levers uncovering hidden rooms, no hope for finding the one person who can fix him.

Despite expecting the disappointment Akira has to stop for a moment to collect himself. He finds support in the wall behind him again, holding back the tears and keeping his eyes closed. 

_Don’t think. Don’t think. Don’t think._

There is only one thing left to do and then he’ll be free. He will come back to Leblanc, come back to studying so he can forget. He will forget about the Phantom Thieves, forget about false gods, forget he once thought of himself as worthy of admiration. 

He comes back to Lavenza, all the thieves already gathered in the main room. The girl seems happy, like Akira accomplished an important mission, another step towards the rehabilitation. “It seems you managed to save all your teammates.” 

Akira is too late to hide the scoff he lets out, smiling bitterly and clenching his fists. Lavenza pays it no mind, but Akira feels the hand on his shoulder, quickly brushing it away before he explodes. _“Are you just ignorant or plain stupid?”_ he wants to ask, but it’s not worth it. Soon enough there will be no need to think about this place. Akira hopes he will never see it again. He curses himself for once considering his powers as a blessing.

Morgana comes back just in time to hear how Akira and Goro were always destined to be enemies, and Akira wants to scream. He was never meant to save him, no matter what he did, Akira couldn’t change the outcome. What makes Lavenza think they will make a difference now?

And they don’t. They are just vessels for the people who finally realized they are the makers of their own destiny, pouring their faith onto them and giving them strength. By themselves, the Phantom Thieves could do nothing. Akira didn’t believe in their victory for a second. But here they are, with a new persona the size of a skyscraper, and a false god brought to his knees. 

And then Morgana disappears, floating away gently like he isn’t Akira’s only escape. Like he’s not the only one who understands him, the only one able to calm him down. Akira looks up with eyes full of spite, quickly filling up with tears. The cat is nowhere to be seen anymore, and Akira wishes he could join him.

The Metaverse is no more, and the ex-thieves disperse, leaving Akira alone. He can’t blame them, he fulfilled his purpose, however meaningless it might have been. There is no reason for them to pretend they need him.

Sae finds him soon after he decides to head home, and Akira wonders if she ever considered taking a day off. His brain capacity is at its lowest, and whatever she’s talking about Akira can barely register. She mentions Goro’s name, and only then he pays attention. 

She says he’s still missing. Missing. Makoto didn’t even tell her what happened to him. Like he doesn’t matter. Like he wasn’t everything Akira ever wanted. Maybe it’s for the best. Maybe believing he’s missing would be better than knowing the truth.

She says something about testifying, how it will save his teammates and will prove that Phantom Thieves did nothing wrong. Like in some stupid internet arguments. But he agrees nonetheless, he has nothing to lose anymore. 

Akira comes back to Leblanc alone, wishing Merry Christmas to no one.

~~~~~

It’s been two weeks and they just won’t leave him alone. Everyday visits drain more energy out of him than constant isolation of his cell. They repeat the same questions every time, and Akira is sick of it.

“Do you sleep well?”

“Yes.” _No._

“Do you eat?”

“Yes.” _No._

“You look sick, are you taking care of yourself?”

“Yes.” _No._

If this is his penance for being a liar since the day he came to Tokyo, Akira will gladly take it. He doesn’t mind the seclusion, he just wishes no one would bother him as much as they do. He tells them time and time again he doesn’t want their help, but his words have no meaning. They deemed him a madman a long time ago. 

He sees their eyes full of pity, looking at him condescendingly like they know better, like he’s a kid in need of guidance and Akira has enough of it. They don’t need him anymore, he’s useless to them, they could just leave him here and no one would blame them. He tries to push them away, but if lies never discouraged the former thieves, how will the truth accomplish the same goal?

“I don’t want to see you.”

“You’re lying.”

“I’m useless.”

“We need you, Akira.”

“Just leave me here.”

“We’ll get you out.”

And when he knows he can’t convince them to leave him alone, he refuses to leave his cell. They’re deaf to his pleads, they’re blind to the truth of him being a nuisance, and he’s tired of repeating the same things over and over again. Only Sae visits him from time to time, bringing the news from the outside world, never asking him any personal questions and getting closer that she needs to. She understands.

Akira spends his days on reading, losing himself in the library for hours on end, leaving only for a daily workout and coming back to his cell with new book every day. And he’s happy like this. As happy as he can be. This is what he deserves. The group seems to have given up on trying to reach him, the guards no longer badgering him about a new visitor every day. 

And then the gifts start. Small things from Leblanc, his own books, crosswords, the blanket covered with the scent of coffee. The dreamcatcher. Akira is speechless. They will never abandon him, no matter what he does. He lays down on the bed, holding the dreamcatcher close to him, crying himself to sleep. Only two months passed since the day that broke him, and the times when he deemed himself worthy of affection seems so far away, they might as well have happened in another life. 

Akira falls asleep, dreaming of the days where he still had hope.

~~~~~

It’s Valentine’s Day and Akira spends it in his bed, not peeking from behind the blanket for even a second. He came back from prison a day before, still recoiling from the several weeks he spend in an empty cell, getting used to the familiarity of the café. He hoped he’ll feel better once he’s home, but nothing changed. He’s still trapped, still alone and with nothing he wants to live for. 

When he came back to Leblanc, the group already waiting for him, he tried not to be overwhelmed. He tried to act civil, answer when they asked questions, nod when they needed his approval, smile when they laughed. All of this was fake, the pleasantries, the smiles, his answers about the future. There is nothing to be happy about. There is no future he’s planning. 

At least Morgana came back. The asshole waited for a right moment to show up, like a goddamn hero in a movie, like looking cool matters when everyone thinks you’re dead. Akira didn’t say a word to him, still refuses to do it, hiding under the blanket all day and not even checking if he’s around.

The café closes, Sojiro heading home after checking on Akira briefly, leaving him alone with a cat he won’t talk to. Only then Akira sits up, taking slow and deliberate steps downstairs, taking in the sight of the place he missed so much and dreaded seeing again all the same. 

He puts on the apron, tying it behind him, feeling like he doesn’t deserve to wear it anymore. It feels like something sacred, a relic from the times long gone, not to be disturbed. It’s only for today. There is something he must do.

He prepares two cups of coffee, the way he still remembers, careful not to let his tears fall and spoil the taste. Once it’s done, Akira turns around and places the cups on the counter, one in front of himself and one in front of the chair, second to last.

It’s silent for a couple of minutes. Akira tries to speak up, several times, but what is there to say? What can he tell a person he wanted to spend his life talking to, and ended up knowing almost nothing about?

“Hi.” Small steps. It’s enough to make his lips tremble and vision go blurry.

“It’s uh… it’s been a long time.” He hates the sound of his voice, raspy and choked up. Akira takes a deep breath, trying very hard not to look like a mess the one time it matters. 

“How are you doing?” The silence that follows is haunting. It tells Akira everything he needs to know, and the ravenette regrets opening his mouth in the first place. 

He lets out a small laugh regardless, “Right.” Deep breaths. “I- I’m not doing okay.” Akira never lied to him, he’s not going to start now.

“I miss you. If that’s not obvious already.” Akira chuckles breathlessly, trying to sound cheery but failing miserably. He carries on, taking breaks between each sentence, “You were right. I’m a liar. All this time… all this time I thought I could help you, help everyone. And look where I led you.” his voice so quiet, the last sentence comes out as a whisper.

“I’m sorry… I’m so, so sorry.” the words sound broken, Akira’s eyes watering again. “I wanted so much more than this. We could have been free. We could have been sitting here together, free of Shido, free of the fate putting us against each other…” 

“We could have spent Christmas together, kissing under the mistletoe. We could have spent New Year’s Eve together, counting down to the beginning of the days when we’re no longer chained. And today I could have given you all the chocolate, all the flowers you could ever want, telling you… telling you how much I love you.” There is no use for Akira to try and keep his composure, with tears falling freely down his face, the words coming out as pitiful whimpers.

“I’d repeat it every time we’d see each other, every time you’d look at me. I’d say it for every time I hurt you, every time I was late to say it…” Akira clenches his fists, pursing his lips and trying to steady his voice.

“Please…” it’s no use, “I don’t want to be alone…” Akira leans on the counter, hiding his head in his arms, sobbing uncontrollably, abandoning all pretences. 

The coffee gets cold, untouched in front of the empty chair. Minutes pass, and the only sound in the café are the wails of the boy who lost everything. 

When Akira has no more tears left to cry, he gets up. He looks at the coffee, his voice remorseful and grating. “I hope you’re happy, wherever you are.” Akira takes his cup, washing it in the sink, leaving the other one on the counter and heading to the attic without turning back. In the midst of his breakdown, he realized that Morgana probably wasn’t able to sleep through all of this, and when he walks up the stairs, his suspicions are confirmed.

The cat looks like he’s on the verge of tears himself, sitting on the steps and looking up at Akira with sad eyes. A silent understanding hangs between them, and Akira feels like he’s suffocating again. Morgana puts his paw up, like a child waking up after a nightmare and searching for comfort. Akira can’t pretend anymore. He needs the company, if only for today.

He lifts Morgana up, coming back to bed and cradling the cat like a lifeline, Morgana not minding the contact for once. He purrs in hopes of bringing at least a tiny bit of comfort, sensing Akira shaking and weeping again, nuzzling into his hair, silently praying for the boy to find closure where there is none to find anymore.

They both fall asleep shortly after, still close to each other, both of them needing the other to survive in the world trying to knock them down.

~~~~~

Akira comes back to school, again, despite another absence which by all means should send him back to the beginning of the second year. But it seems like the world itself takes pity on Akira, like it owes him for something, not daring to take from him the only place where he can pretend to be one of the many ordinary students.

He’s far from ordinary, the stares he gets from his classmates when they think he’s not looking say it all. It reminds Akira of his first days at Shujin, their eyes speaking of mistrust. It forces his mind to wonder about the things he’s doing wrong. Is he looking around too much, smiling when he shouldn’t, are his answers during the classes incorrect? As far as he’s concerned everything is in its place, and yet the stares remain. 

His mind floats away more often than not, and only Morgana’s watchful eyes can pinpoint exactly when to speak up quietly, only for Akira’s ears to hear. His eyes turning glassy, the expression the same, not changing even after the teacher’s instructions, looking out the window, into the sky, searching for nothing in particular. Maybe a sign, maybe a reason to think his life is worth something after all, not counting down until the world takes away what little hope Akira still has. 

“This looks difficult, I bet it’ll be a hassle to figure it out on your own.” Akira is back in the classroom, looking at the blackboard, trying to understand the equations and write it all down, ignoring how the class turns their heads away from him, pretending they were looking everywhere but at Akira. Like all his efforts at blending in were useless, like they forgot that at some point they became his friends, talking to him with no bias.

Like they forgot about Goro.

Akira doesn’t know when it happened and why no one ever bothered to tell him about it. But during one his worst days Akira decided to put Goro’s name in the search bar, just to be able to see him even for a few seconds. But nothing came up. No interviews, no pictures, no videos, nothing. It’s like he never existed to begin with. 

He was scared he’s the only one who remembers, that no one told him about it because the former thieves were affected as well. But after reluctantly asking Futaba about the sound files she used to send him back in the day, she obliged. Only to find no files of their calm chatters in Leblanc existing. The thieves didn’t forget, but the memory is the only thing to ever remain of Goro Akechi.

The classes end and Akira heads home, passing Ryuji, passing Ann, passing Makoto and Haru, all of them offering to hang out after school, Akira refusing and walking to the station. It doesn’t matter, they will show up in Leblanc sooner or later, invitation or not. He doesn’t mind, not anymore, he learned to ignore their monologues and focus on studying even with their presence. He wonders how long it will take for them to realize he’s not interesting enough to spend time with him. 

Akira comes back to the café, passing Sojiro with a quick nod and heading upstairs, loosing himself in the books again. He never helps his guardian anymore, preferring to stay out of the booths and the counter, avoiding the memories as much as he can. But recently there is something else on his mind, something which makes his blood run cold. 

The end of his probation is coming up, and with it he’ll have to come back to his hometown, back to his parents. Back to the indifference he thought he got used to so long ago, to the disapproving scolding of his mother, cursing him for being born, his father’s tirades of “When I was your age I already owned a company and a house.” 

Only a week left and Akira sits by the counter, eating curry before heading to school, hearing Sojiro talk about all the paper work that needs to be done, and all the packing Akira needs to take care of. 

“I spoke with your parents, they know you’re coming back.” What a great news. 

“They said they’ll be busy, so they won’t be able to pick you up from the station.” They never picked him up from anywhere. Not once did they wait for him after school to drive him home, didn’t even say goodbye when he was leaving the town. 

“I can drive you to the station if you want, you should remember which train you’ve taken to get here before.” Akira says nothing, still eating his curry. He rarely says anything these days, and Sojiro tries to make up for the silence than settles between them more often than not. But Akira can’t stay silent anymore, desperately hoping his words can change his future. 

“Don’t send me back there. Please.” Akira doesn’t look up, focusing on the plate, but he sees Sojiro from the corner of his eyes, scratching the back of his head and sighing. He doesn’t need to say more, his guardian will understand, he always does.

It’s silent for a minute and Akira goes back to eating his curry, knowing there is nothing he can say to change anything. After a while he sees Sojiro leaning on the counter with another sigh. “Tell you what, kid…” he starts, lowering his voice like he wants to tell Akira a secret, “Give it a week. If you want to come back, I’m not stopping you. You should know the door is always open for you.” And Akira finally looks up, the shy smile showing on his face, the first genuine one for months. 

“Thank you.” Maybe it won’t be so bad, after all.

Until the week passes, and Akira discovers he won’t have to deal with the drive back home alone. His friends are all ready to go, the van standing on the side of the road, the cage in which he will have to put on the mask for a few hours to make it seem like it’s the best day of his life. To not plead with them to drive far away, somewhere where his parents won’t find him, somewhere he won’t have to pretend he’s okay.

Akira sits at the back of the car, answering all the group’s questions. Yes, he’s happy to be back. Yes, he missed his parents. Yes, they were probably worried about him. It’s okay, they’re good people. He promises to stay in touch and they exchange plans of visiting once in a while.

He’s surrounded by his friends who joke and laugh the entire way, none of them hearing Akira scream with his mouth sealed shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh look, it's not even half a month and I'm already back. Well, as I said, it's not gonna be a one-shot so if I already wrote something then why wait. I was hoping to make a bigger time skip in this chapter, but before we get to happiness, there is still a lot of Akira's life to go through. And the end of the game seems like the perfect place to stop.
> 
> But it's not going to be as long as Between the Lines, five chapters at most, maybe six if something happens along the way that I haven't planned. There is a whole set of drabbles that I want to get to as fast as I can.
> 
> The title comes from the song by Stephen, which helped me set the mood. Go listen to it, it's fucking amazing.


	2. What Is Left

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After soooooo much trouble I somehow manage to get this out on time. I was writing all of this with a massive headache and my head spinning constantly, wasting two days in the hospital just to see that apparently everything is ok, and an exam I'm probably gonna have to resit at a later date. But we're here.
> 
> If this chapter seems less thorough than usual, I apologize. After the awasome feedback I got, I wanted so badly to update earlier, and my head be damned I was going to do it today if it killed me.

The van stops in front of Akira’s house, a box full of noise in contrast to the quiet neighborhood. There is no need for them to come this close, Akira having only one bag with the most important belongings and the rest agreed to be send at a later date. He’s not going to need them anyway, as soon as one week passes he’ll be back in the café.

With the excuse of his parents being underprepared for such large number of guests, Akira manages to convince the group he’ll be fine on his own. After one more round of heartfelt goodbyes and best wishes the van drives away, leaving Akira alone. None of them ever noticed the conflict raging inside him, no one mentioned the empty looks Akira sneaked in now and then in hopes of changing their minds. 

It’s the payback for before, Akira realizes, slowly turning around to face the house. He hasn’t been the best friend for quite some time, and the former thieves probably thought it’s fitting to ignore him, just as he ignored them for the past few months. It’s okay, Akira thinks, standing in front of the door. At least he’s already gotten used to such treatment before facing his parents. At least it’s gonna be easier.

He rings the doorbell. Akira hears the sound of footsteps after a minute, way too long for someone supposedly waiting for him. It seems even the act of opening the door will be taken as an inconvenience. The lock clicks, Akira taking a step back, and the door opens to reveal his mother already wearing the face of utmost disappointment just from the sight of him.

“God, finally. You couldn’t even wake up earlier to save me some time, could you?” Akira feels right at home. She steps back, Akira walking in without a word and only a short glance in her direction. His father is nowhere to be seen, probably at work marveling at how much of a productive member of society he is. Akira admits he would rather have both of his parents at home, he could get this over with faster. 

“Look at you, only skin and bones. Still haven’t learned how to cook anything other than cup noodles, huh? You probably had to rely on Sojiro-san to make you food, hadn’t you? God, I will have to call him and apologize.” Technically, she’s not wrong. Every day Akira would come down to a hot plate of curry to start the day, but the amount of trouble Sojiro had to go through is probably way too disproportional in her mind. 

Before Akira has a chance to back away to his room, she speaks up again, “Forgot how to talk? How fitting for a delinquent like you to have no manners.” 

Akira stops and turns in her direction, not looking at her when he manages to reply quietly, “It’s good to see you again, mother.” He feels bile rising in his throat, telling lies should come easier than that by now.

His mother scoffs at him, “And here I thought one year of separation taught you some humility. Get out of my sight.” she waves her hand at him, Akira disappearing in his room with a sigh of relief. 

It hasn’t changed since the last time Akira has seen it. It looks typically how one would expect when thinking of a room for a teenage boy. Not a speck of dust can be seen anywhere, his parents probably keeping it clean just for the sake of appearances. Akira half expected to return to the shelves covered in dust, just to spite him and not let him rest until he cleans up the place. 

As it is, he locks the room just to have an extra second if his mother decided to barge in and complain about Akira’s existence. He lays down on the bed, not having anything else to do, thinking of taking a nap. Morgana would be proud. He regrets not having the cat with him, but knowing his parents, they would probably kick him out as soon as they saw him. 

So Akira does nothing for the rest of the day, staring blankly at the ceiling and counting down until he can go to sleep and waste away another day. With the school year already finished, Akira can’t find escape in books anymore, and the ones in his room are way too outdated. He waits impatiently for the beginning of the school year, and hopes that Shujin will accept him again so Akira can finish high school.

It’s late evening when his mother calls him for supper. Akira reluctantly rolls out of bed, joining his parents at the table, his father already back home, not even bothering to acknowledge Akira’s return. He’s forced to endure his parents sweet talking with each other, throwing occasional comment in Akira’s direction, the raven not paying much attention and focusing on the plate in front of him. When he’s done eating, Akira asks politely if he can leave the table, returning to his room in a hurry before anyone has a chance to stop him. 

And so the week passes with no changes. Akira wakes up every day, avoiding his parents on the way to the bathroom, trying to ignore them during the meals and not letting their nagging get to him. None of what they’re saying is new to him, he knows he’s a waste of space. And while he’d at least try and make an effort for people he left behind, for his parents he’s willing to get into more trouble just out of spite. 

Akira doesn’t know what Sojiro is expecting from his parents, doesn’t know why Akira would prefer his old home to the dusty attic. His parents will never change, but Akira hopes _he_ is still able to do so. After a week of being a prisoner in his own room, Akira takes his still unpacked bag and leaves without a word.

~~~~~

Sojiro doesn’t even look surprised when Akira walks into Leblanc, quickly disappearing upstairs and breathing a sigh of relief. His guardian probably suspected Akira might not be as happy to come back home as he pretended to be, which can’t be said about Futaba and Morgana, who barge in soon after they catch wind of Akira’s return. They keep asking questions about his hometown, his parents, the reason for leaving them again. Akira stays quiet. They know the reason anyway, Akira tried way too many times to make them realize the truth. 

Morgana stays with him after that, Akira appreciating the company even despite being his usual, quiet self. The cat doesn’t judge, doesn’t nag him about being a failure, doesn’t expect him to talk anymore. The soft assurances and quiet presence are enough for Akira to relax and forget. It’s only few days later when Akira finally breaks and confides in him, telling Morgana all about his parents and how hard it was to see them again. The cat doesn’t comment on the fact that Akira lied to them in the van, instead blaming himself for never noticing his struggles. Akira isn’t sure if Morgana’s lying, but even if he is, knowing that he was able to tell someone the truth makes his heart feel a little lighter.

The feeling doesn’t last long, going outside leaving Akira emotionally drained way too much to appreciate the small sense of peace. When the rest of the group realizes Akira is going to finish school in Shujin, they make sure to involve him in all of their activities again, taking advantage of the few days they still have left before school starts. He’s forced to hang out with Ryuji and Mishima at the arcade, keep Makoto and Ann company during their shopping sprees in the mall, all of this in hopes of keeping his spirits up. 

When they finally notice how his hands tremble whenever they’re in the crowded spaces, how his eyes search frantically for the sight of any danger, the group rethinks their approach. Now instead of throwing Akira into deep water they settle for a puddle, Yusuke inviting him to relax in the Inokashira Park, and Haru asking him to try out different coffee types. She doesn’t seem to notice the glares Akira sends in her direction when she sits down on the second to last chair in Leblanc, sits down on _his_ place. The coffee doesn’t taste the same in her presence. 

Despite the former thieves’ efforts, Akira only manages to hide in his shell a little further with every day, dreading the next day more than the last. Even Morgana isn’t enough anymore to prevent the nightmares from visiting Akira every night, the ravenette pushing the cat away whenever he’s too close to his trembling form, Akira backed against the wall and curled up in hopes of shielding himself from the danger existing only in his head. 

The school starts, and Akira is finally able to hide behind the familiar excuse of studying, still not succeeding in driving the group away. Akira is hesitant about studying in the library, afraid of the odd looks sent in his direction, the diner is way too busy for him to relax, and in Leblanc he’s always at risk of running into someone willing to study with him. It’s not even a month into the school year, and Akira makes a decision.

He still has leftover money from the Mementos and his part-time jobs, sufficient to rent a quiet place of his own. With enough determination Akira is able to find a small flat on the other side of the city, far away from all the hangout spots he’s familiar with. Far away from the people who won’t understand he doesn’t need them, and they don’t need him. 

When Morgana realizes what Akira’s planning, he tries everything he can to prevent Akira from moving out. But there are no arguments able to convince him to change him mind about it, the prospect of having a quiet place all of his own, with no bad memories tainting the air and unwanted presence every day is way too tempting. It’s a slow process, but Akira finally moves all of his belongings to his new home all by himself, not letting the rest know about what he’s up to. The group is easily pacified by Akira’s excuses of already having plans, hopeful he’s finally coming back to his old self. 

Jokes on them. With the last of his belongings Akira walks out of Leblanc, informing Sojiro of his new residence and knowing his guardian will understand. Morgana comes with him, aware he’s allowed to leave with Akira on the condition of not saying a word about where the ravenette will be hiding. Akira knows that the cat only agreed to it hoping that it’s just temporary, that he needs time and space for himself and he’ll get better in no time. It’s fine, Akira will make sure to smother these hopes in no time. 

The flat is barely any bigger than the attic. There is a bathroom in front of the door, the small kitchen counter on the right and one small space acting as a bedroom on the left. The shelves next to the bed are big enough to hold all of the gifts Akira accumulated over his entire stay, if only he bothered to take them with him. There is no place for the old memories in here, Akira will make sure to make his new home free of the former influences. The dreamcatcher is the only thing allowed to remind Akira of the past.

He doesn’t mind how dark the place is, having only one big window next to the bed, the light barely reaching the kitchen hiding behind the bathroom. Akira remembers how in the past he marveled at how lucky Goro was to have an apartment so high up, able to overlook the city at night. And while Akira’s apartment is on the seventh floor, half of the view is obscured by another building, preventing him from seeing much. Akira stands in front of the window and thinks how it must be a metaphor for his clouded mind. It’s okay, one day he’ll get rid of the obstruction or destroy himself in the process. 

Getting to school after moving is a hassle, requiring an early awakening to get there on time, but Akira doesn’t mind. The least amount of sleep he can get, the better, granting him a quick escape from the nightmares plaguing him every night. Akira wonders how long it will take for the group to notice they won’t find him in Leblanc anymore, with him running out of school as soon as the classes end and coming back to his empty apartment. Akira shouldn’t be surprised at their obliviousness, having noticed a long time ago how they always choose to disregard anything he says anyway.

Morgana turns out to be the only hitch in the otherwise perfect lifestyle Akira chose for himself. While the cat tries very hard to find the good sides in his not so temporary predicament, he’s not going to find any. Because the reality is that his only company for the entire day is a boy with no desire for human interaction, coming back to the place with no possibility of him walking out whenever he wants, and spending most of the evenings alone when Akira is busy working.

His job turns out to be close to what Akira already experienced. There is a bar nearby his apartment complex, offering a decent payment for a simple services of washing dishes and cleaning tables, giving Akira a chance to hide in the back most of the time. The hours are flexible, so Akira is able to go to school early in the mornings, study right after coming back, and work during the late hours, replacing most of the staff who actually have a life to come back to. 

Akira thinks he has no rights to complain, with his life turning out to be so much better than before. He stopped paying attention to the constant buzzing of his phone, ignoring the people he tries to let go. Sojiro already told them Akira has moved out, and promised not to reveal where to find him, even though Akira already suspects the group knows anyway. With Futaba probably never removing the bug from his phone and Morgana frequently disappearing from the apartment for an entire day, Akira isn’t sure why they haven’t barged into his apartment yet. 

Akira comes back home late at night, with no Morgana in sight, no people bothering him and with no reasons to put the mask on his face. Despite removing the obstacles preventing him from fully enjoying the life he laid out in front of himself, Akira stands in front of the window with an empty stare. He imagines himself falling, feeling the cold wind caressing his skin and whispering the promises of the better days. He wraps his arms around himself, closing the window shortly after, and heading to bed with the intention of using the few hours he has left before starting another day.

~~~~~

Morgana sees Akira’s fall from a mile away. The worst of it all is that the cat can do nothing to stop it. For days he stays at home, boring himself to death when Akira forgets to wake him up and let him out before going to work. He’s grateful the ravenette takes him to school, this being the only chance for Morgana to see any of the former thieves and have a small talk, exchanging the news and barely having enough time to think of any sort of solution to the problem at hand, before Akira snatches him away and heads home. 

It wasn’t so bad at the beginning, when they still tried to figure out how life is going to work for the both of them. Morgana dares saying Akira looked excited with the prospect of living alone, the cat letting himself hope that maybe it really is what Akira was truly searching for. Maybe a chance to prove he’s good enough to manage on his own will free him from the terrible mindset he let himself fall into. 

Soon enough it turns out it was a foolish wish, build on the self-destructive tendencies of the boy who they once considered their leader. While Akira keeps saying the same things every day, how he and Morgana don’t need anyone else, how they’ll stand together against the world, Morgana is scared more and more with every passing day. Akira seems so sure of the bright future ahead of them while never moving forward even an inch, and it hurts to watch how his delusions turn into the dreams Akira longs to finally reach. 

Maybe there is something Morgana doesn’t know about. Maybe his work grants Akira something more than the boy allows the cat to know. Maybe the destination that Akira set for himself doesn’t lay ahead of him, but behind his back. If so, Morgana dreads to think of what it will take for Akira to reach the end.

He doesn’t want to leave Akira alone, but the days spent in seclusion and with absolutely no contact with another human being proves to be too much for an adventurous cat to handle. Morgana is confident of his tracking abilities, and hopes getting to the other side of the city will not take him too long. Taking the train they usually board to get to Shujin lands Morgana in a familiar territory, walking to Shibuya in hopes of spotting any of the familiar faces. It takes him few tries, sometimes walking aimlessly for hours, refusing to come to Leblanc in fear of Sojiro notifying Akira of the cat’s escapades. 

Even with never finding any of the former thieves, Morgana feels a lot better just to be able to return to the common grounds. And when he finally finds them, the first thing he does is telling them about Akira’s whereabouts, not caring about the ravanette’s decision to remain hidden. The information turns out to be useless anyway, only a way for Morgana to feel the weight being lifted off his shoulders , the former thieves agreeing that visiting will only do more damage than help. If Akira was willing to go to such lengths to separate himself from them, tipping him off more is out of the question. 

So the cat keeps living with Akira on the off chance his presence is helping in any way, both of them having their secrets and refusing to trust each other fully. Until one day Morgana starts questioning if the group’s inaction is actually the right answer. 

Perhaps the only benefit coming from Akira living alone is how he tries to learn cooking, coming back from school with shopping bags and experimenting. It starts with salads, mixing vegetables is an easy enough task even for a novice, quickly turning into various modifications of curry Akira’s already used to making. Morgana already accustomed himself with the random smells coming from the kitchen. With the amount of time Akira dedicates to studying, he quickly runs out of material to revise, instead disappearing in the kitchen to kill some time. 

Morgana sits on the windowsill, looking out the window in search of anything out of the ordinary, already bracing himself for disappointment. Akira is in the kitchen, chopping the vegetables, but the silence stretching for a minute makes Morgana’s head turn curiously in his direction. Out of all the smells the cat can already recognize, blood isn’t the one he’s expecting. 

Morgana runs to the kitchen, spotting Akira standing by the counter, motionless and completely unperturbed by the fact that blood is staining the chopping board. He stares with fascination at the red liquid dripping from his finger, Morgana temporarily deciding to ignore the fact and snap the boy out of his trance. “Akira!”

The ravenette turns around instantly, eyes wide like Morgana isn’t the only one surprised by his reaction, “R-right.” He makes his way to the bathroom, taking out the med kit and bandaging the cut carefully, still not being alarmed in the slightest. Morgana should have known that it was the first sign of an incoming tragedy, when few days later he notices even more cuts on Akira’s arm. 

The cat would love to believe that Akira became such a cooking enthusiast, that few cuts here or there are bound to happen eventually, until Morgana can no longer ignore how they already started to form a patter. The cat stopped leaving the apartment when he noticed how every time he left while Akira was studying, he came back to Akira clutching his arm, hiding fresh new cut every time.

The confrontation is short and just about what Morgana was expecting, Akira denying any suggestion of self-harm being an issue and coming up with countless excuses for each scar. And while asking the former thieves to talk with Akira about it will surely have its disadvantages, the cat knows there is little he can do alone.

He’s afraid to leave Akira by himself after the recent discoveries, but the few minutes in school when Morgana can talk with Ryuji and Ann is not enough to come up with any sort of plan. So as it’s already in his habit, when Akira comes back from school and starts his studying session, Morgana asks to be let out and makes his way to Leblanc, where the group is already waiting. 

Morgana never suspected he will ever have to put up with technology, but drastic times call for drastic measures. It’s not an ideal solution, and one that will hardly bring any results in the nearest future, but it’s a start. While Akira’s self-harming tendencies have barely started, they can’t ignore the possibility of it getting more serious real fast. And so Morgana learns how to use a phone. Thank god his toe beans are able to slide on the screen.

The group teaches him how to access the call menu and Morgana tries to memorize the phone numbers in case of emergencies. He doesn’t know if it’s Akira’s fault, but he notices how less enthusiastic the group is with talking about whatever trouble one of their own may go through. Whether it’s related to the disappearance of the Metaverse, or just hopelessness whenever Akira’s issue is brought up, Morgana is grateful for at least this one little lifebelt they’ll hopefully won’t need.

Few days later, when Morgana sees Ann and Ryuji at school, they hand him a bottle. Antidepressants, they say, from what they heard about living with Akira from Morgana, he will definitely need them. The cat hides the bottle in the ravenette’s bag, hoping he won’t notice it for now, already planning where to place it so it won’t be found. He wouldn’t dare calling himself a thief otherwise. 

Since then, Morgana tries his best to act interested in every meal Akira makes, trying to sneakily drug his food without the boy noticing. So far the only complain he got is the amount of cat hair Akira apparently finds on his plate, Morgana promptly apologizing and promising to be more careful in the future. The cat doesn’t wait long for the effects to show. 

Morgana smiles with delight how after only two weeks he hears a hum coming from the kitchen, Akira singing along to the radio they recently bought. He walks up to the boy, striking a conversation he’s usually denied, this time Akira explaining every step of the recipe, smiling softly and putting Morgana’s heart at ease. It seems everything will turn out fine, in the end.

Sometime after the incident, Akira asks Morgana if he’d be willing to assist him at work, the cat agreeing immediately, finally having a chance at breaking the routine. It seems that at some point the raven got a promotion, no longer cleaning and washing the dishes, but serving drinks, a job Morgana assumes can’t be entirely legal. Out of all the problems they already went through, Akira doesn’t seem to be an alcoholic, and having a history of working in Crossroads he can be trusted with self-control. 

Akira is an entirely different person at work, Morgana remarks with confusion. The smile gracing the boy’s lips whether he tends to the customers takes Morgana back to the happier times, when under the pretence of earning some money they were trying to fish out the information on their next targets. And while the smile tends to falter at times, the cat can see that Akira clearly tries his best to help the people drowning their sorrows in a drink, providing advice and offering kind words. It seems the compassionate streak didn’t leave the boy, even under the pressure of his own struggles. 

It’s already September when something in Akira finally snaps, unnoticed by anyone around him. It’s a cold evening, so Morgana decides he’s going to take a long nap and leave at night, when Akira comes back from work. He’s woken up late at night by the sound of the lock, Akira walking in, Morgana sensing something is wrong right from the start. Akira is smiling, but it looks like a piece of cardboard stuck to his face, his eyes determined like never before. 

The ravenette doesn’t respond to any of Morgana’s questions, leaving the bag on the bed and quickly shutting himself in the bathroom. It doesn’t have a lock, but Morgana isn’t about to barge in uninvited, respecting the boy’s privacy. The only times he ever considered jumping on the handle and opening the door was when the smell of blood made itself known once again. Even then, before Morgana had a chance to walk in, Akira usually walked out by himself, acting like the cat was just imagining things. 

It doesn’t happen often anymore, so when the metallic smell is all Morgana can sense, the alarm in his head goes off immediately. It’s worse than before, like the whole bathroom is filled with it, staining the air in the whole apartment. When the words prove to be of no effect when trying to coax Akira into opening up or answering, Morgana opens the door. He would’ve screamed if the shock didn’t take away his ability to speak.

Akira is curled up next to the bathtub, the razor blade lying next to him, his arm loosely hanging from his shoulder with a long cut starting from his wrist and stopping right above the elbow. The puddle of blood already started to form under it, Akira still trying to hold the smile, corners of his lips twitching and eyes watering. No matter on how many missions Morgana has been, and no matter how many horror movies he saw, nothing could compare to the fear that overtakes him, paralyzing him and rendering him speechless, staring dumbly at the sight before him.

“Akira?” the cat whispers, voice barely obeying him. Akira doesn’t react, still holding his eyes open but clearly struggling with the task, tears falling from the corners of his eyes, still smiling like he’s not slowly bleeding out. 

Morgana finally remembers about the phone, running to Akira’s bag and pulling out the device, shaking paws unlocking the screen with a combination he’s seen so many times. He opens up the call menu, not caring about what he presses and noticing the phone started calling Sojiro’s number, Morgana temporarily forgetting he’s not going to understand him. 

“Hello?” the cat hears a gruff voice on the other side. “Sojiro, help! Akira! He’s-… I don’t know what to do! Help him, please…!” Morgana tries to make his point across, realizing his words aren’t making any sense to the old man, hoping that at least the distress in his voice is enough for him to know something is wrong.

“Eh…? Wait, I’ll go get Futaba.” Thank god Morgana doesn’t need to explain more, nothing he can say will be understood anyway. The cat can hear the sound of the phone being handed over, soon being greeted with Futaba’s voice, “What’s up?”

“Futaba, help! Akira’s hurt! He’s-… There’s-… There’s so much blood, please!” Morgana screams.

“Whoa, hold on! Where are you right now?!” Futaba goes into emergency mode instantly.

“At home. He cut himself badly, he’s not responding to me. Please, help him!” the cat just wishes someone would come here as fast as they can and make everything better. The thought of Akira bleeding out alone in the bathroom at the moment is making Morgana panic, but he’d rather be by his side right now that spend any more time on talking.

“We’re calling an ambulance, do you think you can open the front door?” Morgana is glad that at least one person seems to be level-headed right now. 

“I’ll do it. Hurry up, please!” 

“Stay with him, alright? We’ll try and get there, too.”

As soon as the call ends, Morgana takes the keys out of Akira’s bag and runs to the door. After a few unsuccessful tries, the cat finally manages to get the key in the lock, turning it and unlocking the door, running to the bathroom soon after. 

Morgana finds Akira in the same position, no longer trying to maintain the smile, eyes closed and breath ragged. “Akira?” the cat once again tries to get the boy to talk to him, the ravenette still silent and not acknowledging the voice in the slightest. Morgana comes closer despite the horror gnawing at him, pushing his paw lightly against his legs, but not getting any reaction.

For the next few minutes the only sounds coming from the bathroom are Akira’s labored breathing and Morgana’s cries, begging the ravenette to wake up. There is nothing the cat can do to help, with his paws being way too small to cover the cut. It’s when Akira can only manage to let out small, helpless puffs, Morgana hears the siren of the ambulance, running to the front door to open it and prevent anyone from wasting any more time. 

When the medics enter the apartment, Morgana stands back, not wanting to get it their way, noticing Futaba and Sojiro running right behind them. The sight of Akira’s bloodied arm is as much of a shock to them as it was to Morgana, the cat seeing Futaba already being in tears and Sojiro holding her close, the old man trembling slightly and staring at Akira’s pale face with dread.

They rush after the ambulance all the way to the hospital, Futaba transcribing everything that happened to the rest of the former thieves through the chat. When they reach their destination they’re not allowed to see Akira, his state being assessed as critical due to the blood loss, his vitals at the risk of collapsing any moment. Despite the late hour, the whole group is back together soon enough, all of them exchanging reassurances and awaiting the news. 

It’s a late morning when Akira’s state is stable again, everyone still camping around the room he’s staying in, and cheering as loudly as they’re allowed. The underlying sadness doesn’t escape Morgana’s notice, the reason for this incident still not being addressed despite the long time the group spend on waiting for news. They’ll take it one step at a time, not letting Akira out of their sight and making him belong with as much force as he was trying to push them away.

When Akira wakes up a day later, still dazed but thankfully conscious, Takemi makes them realize their mistake. They weren’t careful enough, the antidepressants ended up doing more harm than good with the group’s limited knowledge. The pills apparently only strengthened Akira’s resolution about taking his life, and the happy state Morgana reported happened only because of Akira finally making peace with the idea. 

They didn’t know that all this time, they were unknowingly leading Akira to his deathbed.

~~~~~

When Akira is finally sane enough to properly assess his situation, he finds himself being trapped in the attic. He’s not stupid enough to believe he succeeded and went to Heaven, or whatever afterlife this is. Not with the constant presence of all the former thieves keeping him on a suicide watch.

He was so sure it was going to work. He finally had something real to work towards and set his mind to. Who would have thought it will all be thwarted by the cat who Akira knew wouldn’t be able to do anything about his plan, who apparently all this time knew how to use a phone and call for help. And now, Akira is a prisoner once again, trapped in the place he’s been trying to run away from, with the people who still, for some unimaginable reason, care about him.

He doesn’t know what they’re trying to prove, what they’ll achieve by keeping him here any longer. But he’ll play nice, talk to them, act like the experience changed him and he’ll try to better himself from this point on. He didn’t change, he doesn’t want to, he wants them to leave him alone, to come back to his apartment where no one will bother him and jump, just like he imagined so many times before.

It’s almost the end of the year when they deem Akira stable enough to let him out of their sight, free to walk around under Morgana’s watchful eye. Akira can’t say he changed for the better, but the determination from before his attempted suicide changed into conviction of proving everyone else wrong. Proving they were wrong to save him, wrong to waste any more time on his pitiful existence. 

So he comes back to his apartment, talking with whoever wants to check up on him on any time of the day, wasting months on the life he finds no meaning in and watching with glee how Morgana guards the bathroom door whenever Akira closes it. Life will change when he’ll go to college, and Akira wants to believe that, awaiting the time when he’ll leave Shujin and start life anew. 

And maybe it does. Not in the way everyone seemed to hope for, Akira has a title of a delinquent to uphold, after all. Not like it matters anymore, his probation already finished a year ago, but his ‘I don’t give a shit’ attitude steered the most problematic people in his direction, Akira finding himself in what’s called a bad company soon enough.

Even despite talking back at every teacher and classmate, Akira finds joy in the fact that he can hang out with people in much shittier situations than his. He wonders how some of them even got here. There are few boys in the group who are constantly high and Akira never saw them being sober, few girls who engage in rather shady activities after school, and only one girl who is interesting enough to talk to, despite barely saying anything. 

Her name is Midori, her black, shoulder-length hair matching Akira’s, and her eyes green and penetrating, looking straight through him. She’s not hanging out with the high party, not the one to disrespect herself with the rest of the girls, only sitting at the edge of the rooftop they’re usually occupying, smoking every time Akira has seen her and looking at the city. She somehow established a position of the top dog, any outing needed to be approved by her, watching the rest of the group like a mother guarding her children.

“What are you looking for, Akira?” she asks. They find themselves alone, one of the rare occasions when the boys are too stoned to move and girls are out partying. It’s a late September evening, close to anniversary of his almost-death, and Akira hoped the place will be empty so he can overlook the city, something he will never be tired of. 

“I was bored.” Akira replies. Even without expressing any desire to talk, Midori still looks through him, scoffing and taking another drag on a cigarette.

“You know that’s not what I mean.” she exhales, letting the smoke dance gently in the evening wind. There is something in her that Akira recognizes, something he can clearly remember but doesn’t want to acknowledge. She can make him spill his guts without saying a word, a skill Akira lost long ago.

“I know people like you. Thinking they’re hot shit but being scared out of their minds.” Akira should be angry, and he probably would be if any of his old friends said that to him. It’s different with her.

“And what am I scared of?” Akira asks, standing opposite of her with his back against a wall, looking at the city. He hates her eyes, never leaving him while she speaks up. He hates how they always know what he’s thinking. He loves how someone seems to understand.

“Rejection.” like a goddamn school girl, “And yet that’s all you do to others.” Akira is silent. He has nothing to deny, he pushed others away to keep them from wasting time on him. 

“You have people to come back to, you know.” Midori turns away, Akira still looking at her, dumbfounded. He’s seen how occasionally one of the boys question why she has to be the one in charge here, her shit talk still staying in the front of his mind a month after.

“What are you looking for?” she repeats, not looking at him this time, staring longingly into the night. Akira likes her voice, firm and confident, yet never searching for recognition. Just like his own used to be. 

Akira laughs humorlessly, “Good grades, money and girls.” 

Midori looks at him like he just insulted her. “Don’t give me that shit. You know, I never try and change people’s hearts, but you’re just a goddamn eyesore here.” The phrasing isn’t lost on Akira. She doesn’t raise her voice, doesn’t sound condescending, and yet Akira feels like he’s been slapped. 

“I’m sorry for trying to make friends with all of you.” Still, he doesn’t walk away.

“You never tried, anyway. For all I know, you just showed up one day like a lost puppy, following us everywhere.” There is no accusation in her words, only regret. Akira doesn’t mind it, Midori’s calm demeanor like a safe haven during a rainstorm. 

“I don’t mind it, really. I like you, you’re the only one I can count on to have a real talk.” He knows the feeling. Akira wishes she didn’t remind him so much of himself. 

“Likewise.” he never talks much anymore, but just being around her calms him down.

She doesn’t believe him, it’s clear from the way she glances at him shortly, only to look away. “You don’t belong here. Go back to the people who care about you, Akira. Don’t waste your life, you don’t deserve it.”

She has no right to tell him that, “What do you know about my life?” He bites his lip, looking away and putting his hood on, hiding from the view. He can’t stand her eyes looking through him anymore. His past is staring at him and he can’t run from it fast enough.

“It’s not my business. But you’re lost, that much I can tell. And you won’t find what you’re looking for here.” His phone rings, Akira hesitating before opening up a text message, trying not to scowl at Midori who smiles knowingly. 

**Sojiro** : You better come to Leblanc.

Akira hasn't been there in months. The last time he helped Sojiro in the cafe was when he was yet to finish his third year. Granted, it wasn’t something Akira suggested willingly, the old man trying to liven him up a bit and order him around, Akira going into auto-pilot pretty quickly. 

“Go. Good things are still coming your way.” She doesn’t look at him when she says that, and Akira feels a sudden urge to assure her of the same thing. He chooses to stay silent, turning around and making his way to Leblanc. 

Akira feels like he missed something important, like there is some kind of lesson he is supposed to take from the short conversation, but there is something else on his mind. The whole of Midori’s being is a mystery to him, but he can’t help but see himself in her. 

He was the same, once. Always speaking in short sentences, trying to get people to find the right way by themselves. And as much as he’s furious with himself for believing he was helping people, he feels better after talking to Midori despite never making anything clear. He’s grateful Morgana’s not with him this time, the silence helping him clear his conscience a bit before facing his former guardian.

When he walks into Leblanc, everything is just like he fondly remembers. The cozy atmosphere, strengthened by the comforting smell of coffee, the TV quietly playing in the background, Sojiro sitting behind the counter, frowning at the crossword. And the boy sitting on the second to last chair, sipping coffee and looking at him with the most beautiful maroon eyes he’s ever seen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm such a tease and I hate myself for it.
> 
> But things will only get better from this point on.
> 
> I'm sorry for bringing an OC into this, I realize no one cares about them anyway.
> 
> Thank you all so much for such a great feedback on the first chapter, all the kudos and comments are my lifeblood. So don't be afraid to let me know what you think, no matter how insignificant it might seem to you, it means the world to me!


	3. Lucid Dreaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for the lack of cuddles everyone was hoping for.

Goro Akechi is dead. That’s the truth Akira was forced to come to terms with.

But there is a long way from having to acknowledge the truth to actually accepting it. For the longest time after that fateful day on the ship, Akira never truly allowed himself to think about Goro’s death. All those weeks he spent laying in his bed, months he spent in jail, there was only denial. Only the thought of never seeing Goro again, never the thought of the reason why it won’t be possible. 

The memory stayed with Akira even after the world erased everything about the brunette, always somewhere on the back of his mind, never letting him forget his greatest failure. He never talked about this with any of the former thieves, too busy with trying to push them away, and yet reluctant to bring up Goro as a way to back up his claims of being useless.

The dreamcatcher, the only thing Akira has left with connection to the brunette, became more of a symbol than anything else. A sad reminder of the days that will never come, words that are left unsaid, and the past which till this day holds him tightly in its clutches. He can’t erase it, he could never change it anyway.

There are no pictures left for Akira to remember Goro’s face, the same one Akira used to hold in his hands and kiss tenderly. No videos able to capture his voice, always speaking with conviction about his ideals, wavering so sweetly whenever Akira’s teasing got the best of him. There is nothing Akira can do to bring all of this back, so he does the only thing able to ease his suffering. He forgets. 

He wasn’t even the one to decide on it, the constant lack of Goro’s presence taking its toll sooner than Akira would have thought. After only few months Akira couldn’t be sure about the color of his hair, the shade of his eyes, or the mannerism he was so sure he will never forget. But it was fine, if the memory served only to torment Akira further, it was for the best to let it go.

It’s only fair that one day that memory will resurface to remind Akira of everything he lost. Out of all the nightmares and delusions his mind could conjure up, none of them was as cruel and real as the sight in front of him. 

Akira stands by the door to Leblanc, motionless and with an unreadable expression, eyes trained on the ghost of Goro, who apparently couldn’t move on as fast as Akira was forced to. The phantom looks at him but quickly turns away, and if Akira had any business with trying to read people as he used to back in the day, he would probably try and say something which will make the ghost change his tense expression. As it is, Akira closes his eyes and sighs deeply, wishing the vision would go away already and spare his frail mind.

After few seconds Akira opens his eyes, but nothing changed. The only difference is Sojiro, who looks up at Akira with concern. The ravenette can’t blame him, it’s not good for his business to invite a crazy person under his roof again. Before Akira has a chance to excuse himself and walk out, Sojiro speaks up, “I better leave you two alone.” Like there is another person here except Akira. 

Sojiro heads to the door, eyes jumping anxiously between Akira and the ghost, and walking out without another word, leaving Akira with a quickly deteriorating sanity. He can just walk out. Akira still has the keys to Leblanc. He can just leave and pretend this never happened. But the ghost looks at him again and Akira feels like he’s frozen in place, loosing himself in these reddish eyes.

“Akira…” 

_Great, it can talk._

Akira chuckles with disbelief, rubbing his temples and closing his eyes again, walking past the illusion and hoping that if he pays it no mind it will disappear on its own. Coffee, that’s what Akira needs right now. Maybe it will finally wake him up.

The ghost follows him with his eyes, clearly wanting to say something more, but Akira turns around from it and focuses on preparing coffee for himself. Until he hears the voice again. “Please, say something.”

Akira isn’t going to raise to his bait, ignoring the voice once again and chuckling, amused by his own twisted delusions. The ghost is persistent, Akira will give him that, but he dealt with too many nightmares and panic attacks on his own to be swayed by such a calm phantasm. So he sits down with his coffee and his back turned away from the ghost, quietly muttering to himself, “You’re not real… You’re not real…”

But the café is too silent and the ghost too close to Akira for him not to be able to hear the ravenette’s words. “What do you mean…?”

Akira droops his head, eyes resigned, “That’s what I used to say all the time.” he scoffs, “Makes sense you wouldn’t say anything new.”

“Akira, I’m here.” the ghost says, sounding positively concerned about Akira’s blabbering, feet shuffling closer. As long as Akira forgets about its existence, it won’t harm him. That’s what he tries to tell himself when the presence comes closer, hand hovering above his shoulder, hesitating. It won’t touch him, it’s not real.

But then the hand connects with his shoulder and Akira bolts of the chair. He turns around to face the ghost, backing against the wall, eyes wide with fear. “Stay away from me…! Y-you’re… You’re not real!” he screams, the ghost pauses and backs away few steps. Good, it shouldn’t have stepped this close to him in the first place.

”Akira, please. Calm down.” these eyes are maddening, piercing his own and keeping him from looking away, but Akira can’t stay like this any longer. He was fine with forgetting about Goro, he was sure he was over him. He closes his eyes, his breathing ragged and fast. It’s too cruel, making him remember his voice, his face, his touch all over again. 

“I’m here, Akira. I’m alive.” There is no way for this to be true, is there? And yet, Akira opens his eyes, studying the person in front of him carefully, the presence too real to be a fantasy. He can’t seem to wake up no matter what he does, and Sojiro did say something about leaving the both of them here, didn’t he? But then, if this is real…

…then it means Goro was alive all along, without saying a word to Akira.

“You’re… alive…” Akira says slowly, leaning from the wall slightly. All the emotions washing over him at once make his head spin, but he makes sure to keep his eyes on Goro, searching for any sign of deception. 

“I’m sorry. I should have told you, but... I was afraid you have forgotten me.” There is a whole story behind it, judging by Goro’s remorseful gaze, but Akira is too preoccupied by the rush of adrenaline flowing through him. He takes a step towards Goro, the brunette smiling softly but quickly realizing there is only hostility in Akira’s strides. He has no time to back away when Akira stands in front of him in a second, no time to dodge when a fist collides with his face. 

The brunette staggers backwards, hitting the counter behind him and holding the side of his face, his hair covering half of it. Before he has a chance to recover, Akira twists his fist in Goro’s shirt and pins him to the surface behind him, practically bending him backwards. “You fucking bastard! Do you have any idea what you have done to me?!”

He’s not proud of the way Goro’s face twists in a pained grimace, his cheek red from the force of the impact and eyes jumping left and right like he’s an animal in a cage. Akira has things he needs to get off his chest and nothing is going to stop him. “I did! I did forget you! And it hurt. Every. Fucking. Day!” he clutches the shirt harder, pulling at the skin, Goro’s hand shooting up to pry it away from himself. The short moment of their hands touching is enough for Akira to let him go, stepping back with a frown and his lips pursed.

“What do you want from me?” the raven asks with a cold voice, “Why did you come here?” He doesn’t even care about the hurt evident on Goro’s expression while he tries to compose himself, straightening his shirt and still holding his face. “Akira… I thought… I was told… you would want to see me…”

“You were told? By who?” The fact that someone knew about Goro being alive and didn’t tell him is enough to raise his voice once again. Even if he’s angry about Goro coming back, he could at least beat the crap out of the brunette earlier. 

There is a certain feeling at the back of Akira’s head, trapped behind a door and barricaded tightly, breaking the chains slowly but surely. He won’t let it take him over for now, or ever, if meeting Goro once again will end up being more trouble than it’s worth. The memory of the broken promises, the words he wanted to say and things he wanted to experience with Goro are all discarded somewhere, covered with dust and never meant to be brought back.

Too much time has passed for Akira to still feel the same way about Goro, his feelings withering away over time. The past him, the one from perhaps a year ago would probably cry from happiness, running with his arms opens wide to hug him and kiss him. Probably. But with how he is now, Akira lived through too much to accept Goro in his life again. So many things he sacrificed, things he can do away with, the memories of the brunette being one of them.

Akira sits tiredly in the booth, facing away from Goro, propping his head on his arms and running his fingers through his hair resignedly. “It’s… a long story.” Goro finally replies, not walking up to Akira, still afraid of him lashing out again. 

Minutes pass, Goro silently observing Akira from the side, never coming closer. Akira fruitlessly tries to pull himself together, pulling his hair out and sighing deeply, finally deciding to break the silence and turning his head to look at the brunette. “How?” With caution, Goro walks closer, sitting in the booth with Akira, his eyes not leaving the ravenette. 

This time there is no fear, but conviction, as Goro begins to recount the story of the past two years of his life.

~~~~~

He wakes up in a dark room, the weak light from the lamp barely illuminating anything. He’s not familiar with the place, feeling his mind trying to scan the surroundings to quell the anxiety rising within him. The white interior, the matte windows, a TV hanging in front of the bed and an abundance of IVs hooked up to his arm. The sight is pretty self-explanatory.

With the basic gap in information filled, Goro focuses on checking if all of his memories are intact, remembering the last moments before falling unconscious. He never planned for this to happen, never planned to get out of this alive, but before he has time to think of the retributions he needs to gather his surroundings.

There was a ship. A battle. His double pointing a gun at him, and Goro separating himself from the Phantom Thieves to protect the only people who ever showed him kindness. The promise he made to Akira, his voice so desperately pleading with Goro to come back to him. The confession Goro needed to let out before he felt the bullet tearing through his abdomen.

It all happened in a split second, the pain not even registering when the bright light exploded in his mind. There was no time for any explanations, no voices suddenly speaking to him and assuring him of a way out, only the feeling of both of his personas merging together and ripping him out of the Metaverse forcefully. Only when he felt himself colliding with the pavement, and seeing the Diet Building from the corner of his eye did the searing fire in his stomach make itself known.

He tried to lift himself up but to no avail, the torn muscles locking themselves up and refusing to be budged. He started to look around frantically, taking solace in the fact he was hidden in one of the least visited alleyways, mind reeling for anything able to aid him in his survival if that was truly what he was seeking. Leaving him to die in the Metaverse seemed like a better alternative in that moment.

Because no matter how he looked at it, there was no place for him to turn to. He couldn’t move, stranded with a bullet lodged in his abdomen and bleeding on the ground, with no way to call for any help discreetly, and with no means to help himself. At least in the Metaverse he could die with dignity, but in that moment the news of him dying alone in the alleyway like a rat were already plaguing his mind. 

There were people walking nearby, Goro glancing at them briefly in a feeble attempt at trying to get their attention, never getting anywhere with his voice slowly giving out and legs refusing cooperation. He didn’t mind begging for help anymore, the scene from the ship playing in his mind on repeat, Akira’s face the only memory still giving him strength to move, even just a little. He was given a second chance, another opportunity to fulfill his last wishes, to be with Akira again. He needs to do everything in his power to retain this, no matter how his image will be tainted, no matter who he will need to get through to make this happen. 

But he was slowly losing hope, not being close enough to the main road and whimpering pathetically in hopes of someone finally noticing him. But it was getting late and people stopped appearing in his line of sight. There was no salvation coming his way in the last seconds when Goro could still see the end of the alley, no rescue anywhere when his eyes closed, praying silently for forgiveness. 

But there must have been someone, if his surroundings and his very much alive state are of any indication. There is no one in the room to ask for any answers, Goro deciding against trying to move for the time being, not being completely sure of how much time has passed. He’s safe for now, and as much as the darker side of his mind regrets the situation, the other one rejoices. It will take some time, but he will come back to Akira, Goro smiling at the thought and already thinking of how to apologize for his absence.

He wakes up the next day, a week after his encounter with the thieves on the ship, if the date on the TV playing in front of him is anything to go by. The doctors are running around him, the commotion upon seeing him awake busying his mind with answering their questions. The person who found him wasn’t anyone remarkable, just a passerby walking back from work. If they are a government worker, it’s very likely that Shido has already been notified of this, and that’s not something Goro is able to deal with right now.

He doesn’t have his phone with him, meaning any form of trying to get in contact with Shido are unlikely, and as much as he doesn’t want to wait for the cleaner to come and finish him off, Goro doesn’t really have any other options at his disposal. He refuses to notify anyone of his situation, the doctors already warning him of the media backlash should he choose to reveal he’s been admitted to a hospital, and crazy fangirls barging through the door are not something Goro wants to deal with.

But days pass, and still no one seems to be after him. The day of the election is quickly approaching, and while Goro is anxious about the result of the thieves’ heist, there is no way for him to reach out to them. He could ask the doctors to lead Akira to him, but any connection between him and Goro is better left in the shadows, he will see the results soon enough. He won’t put Akira’s safety in jeopardy for a meeting that will come to pass in few weeks anyway.

But then Goro sees the calling card and wishes he met Akira before sending it, after all. Goro knows him well enough to take one look at the boy and notice the distant spark in his eyes, his movements on auto-pilot, his speech laced with resignation and hatred so unlike Akira he knows. Goro doesn’t dare to think that his absence caused the ravenette to become like this, but it seems to be the only logical reason.

To think that somebody like Goro could affect someone so deeply by his sacrifice brings out a warm feeling in his heart, the one Goro never thought he would ever know. He doesn’t deserve to feel like this, the happiness was never something the brunette expected to receive from anybody. But here is Akira, the boy who have forgiven him, who reached out to him when everyone else turned away, the one he loves wholeheartedly. The one he regrets meeting and tainting his pure heart with his own hatred.

As much as he would like to think that Akira’s kindness changed him for the better, there is no stopping the wave of regret when he sees Shido wailing on the TV. He was supposed to be the one to cause his downfall, he was supposed to lead him to greatness and cut him down himself. No change of heart and making a fool of himself will ever satisfy Goro as much as Shido laying dead in front of him. 

Another week passes and Goro is getting restless. The doctors are still reluctant to let him go, the wound in his stomach is already healed enough for Goro to manage on his own, not like anyone would know he dealt with similar injuries by himself many times before. When the Christmas comes, Goro is still trapped in a hospital, dreaming of the hell consuming Tokyo, looking out the open window with a dazed expression, ignoring the sight and turning around to finish his nap. The brunette wakes up in a different reality, where no one ever knew someone by the name of Goro Akechi.

He doesn’t notice at first, never actually talking to the doctors and only hearing them speak about how his recovery is going, sometimes expressing relief over the fact that no one knows about his stay and them never having to deal with the press. But then the special treatment stops and he’s transferred to another room with other people in it, thankfully none of them recognizing him. The doctors suddenly became irritated by his apparent gall to take a whole room for himself, quickly diagnosing him as ready to leave whenever he wishes. 

As much as Goro always despised the attention brought by his celebrity status, the downright ignorance towards him irks him too much to be just a personal issue. The dark thoughts suddenly flooding his mind become reality when after subtly asking the doctors about the unexpected harsh treatment, he’s met with lack of recognition and contempt, when before even a slight change in his condition was met with an immediate response to fix the issue. 

When he’s finally let out few days after Christmas, he goes back to his apartment. It’s not the safest strategy, but with the newest discovery Goro suspects he won’t have to deal with any sudden breaking and entering. His belongings were lost, but at least he still has his laptop to confirm his current situation, if none of Shido’s lackeys decided to ransack the place in search of any sign of his whereabouts. 

Which surprisingly they didn’t. Goro finds his apartment in the same state he left it, with a considerable amount of dust covering every surface, a detail his analytical mind couldn’t ignore. He spares no time with turning on his laptop and finally getting the answers he’s dreading to acknowledge. But the truth is there, staring at him from the screen when Goro searches for his name and comes up with nothing.

There are certainly some advantages that could be found in his current predicament, but the dread that suddenly washes over Goro drowns out all of them. While it certainly guarantees his safety, it also comes with the knowledge of working his entire life to get recognized and being reduced to nothing in one short moment. Ever since meeting Akira he dreamt of nothing more but starting his life over, of leaving Tokyo and going somewhere far away where no one knows him, somewhere he can finally be himself. 

_Akira…_

There is another fear rising within Goro, one that overrides every other revelation coming with the erasure of his existence from the society. If the world forgot about him, then the thieves did as well. And if that’s the case, the person Goro wants to come back to the most doesn’t exist anymore.

The thought leaves Goro trembling all over, stepping back from his laptop and sliding down the wall behind him, trying to steady his breathing. There is no guarantee that he was forgotten by everyone, but just the possibility of it being the case paralyses him, making his eyes water in disbelief. There was a time when he would joyfully accept this new reality, but having found one person who makes his miserable life worth anything, and knowing he could suddenly become a stranger to him is too much to bear.

He considers running to Leblanc just to confirm his fears, but decides against it. He’s being selfish, but if Akira has truly forgotten him, Goro doesn’t know if he’ll be able to live with that knowledge. So he stays in his apartment, knowing full well he won’t be able to stay there too long, given the place is probably no longer his. The next day Goro leaves the apartment to do groceries, his stomach rumbling from going without a meal an entire previous day. 

It’s when he passes an electronic store when he gets to know the truth about the leader of the Phantom Thieves confessing. He doesn’t know how that could help anybody, how anyone thought it would be a good idea. The image of Akira locked up in prison alone is enough to hurry his steps and come back to his apartment, searching for any way he would be of any help.

But there is nothing Goro can do. He’s not working for the police anymore, he has no connections and influence. He can only lament over the fact the only person he ever cared about is going through hell of his own making, no matter if Akira remembers him or not. If Goro isn’t able to pin any of the guilt for causing the mental shutdowns on himself, he doomed Akira to taking the blame for the crimes he did not commit. 

How can he even consider coming back to him at all? He doesn’t know how long Akira will spend in prison, doesn’t know how long it will be before he’s driven out from his apartment, how long until the leftover money from his miraculously still existing account registered under another name will let him survive. 

He can’t stay here. The memories of the place which took from him so many times and given him so little will be enough to torment him every day. With the possibility of Akira forgetting about him and treating him like a stranger are enough to strengthen Goro’s resolution. Within a week he leaves Tokyo, boarding the train with what little belongings he possesses and heading to Osaka.

He doesn’t want to leave to a small city, the feeling of everyone knowing each other will make him paranoid each day, looking over his shoulder and expecting people to suddenly remember him and drive him away. He’s used to living in a big city, and he doesn’t want to change it. While the money he still has left will be harder to hold on to, Goro is sure he will manage to find a proper job in no time and acclimate himself in another big city, where he can start his life all over again, just like he always wanted. With the Metaverse gone, the fact he discovered quite recently, he has no way of proving his guilt, this being the only solution to somehow ease his guilt.

The first night he spends at the hotel, quickly looking up a cheap apartment he can stay at for the time being. It later turns out to be his only accommodation for the years to come, Goro quickly getting used the small spaces and the feel similar to his previous place. He chose the flat partly because of the floor it was situated on, the city lights always calming him down and the brunette scared of suddenly being deprived of the sight. 

It’s not ideal, seeing as the view is partly obscured by another building, but it’s enough to satisfy Goro. The more he searches the web for more suitable accommodations, the more he realizes the places to rent near the center of the city will be nigh impossible to pay for with Goro’s current finances, and if he won’t find a job soon, even this one will be hard to afford.

And so Goro sets out on a journey to find himself anew, this time without a stigma surrounding him, with the people treating him without false pleasantries and hidden agendas. It’s not long before he finds himself a job, the first of many as it later turns out. It’s one of the several things Goro realizes about himself, in the big search of his own self he lost somewhere along the way to his revenge. 

His whole life he relied on commitments to succeed in life, always dedicating himself to whatever he set his mind to. This new side of him, however, is scared to stay in one place, always searching for something new and running away at any sight of attachment. He already lost everything once, he doesn’t want it to happen again, so be detaches himself from familiarity as soon as it starts, his apartment the only place he allows himself to keep for good.

A year passes, and Goro is surprisingly content with the lack of human interaction he somehow manages to avoid through his various odd-jobs. He tries not to think about the bonds he already lost, focused on making the most of the second chance he’s been given. Even Akira, the only person worth anything in his miserable life drifted away to the depths of his mind, coming out only at night in the form of nightmares, reminding Goro of his selfishness and fear of ever showing his face to Akira ever again.

Even if he forced himself to come back, there is nothing good that could come from that decision. So much time has already passed, and even if Akira still somehow remembers him, Goro is certain the boy has already moved on, deciding that the brunette was just a passing phase aimed at hurting him further. He was nothing more but a bother to him, the world making Akira realize that there are certain people never meant to be saved, toughening him up for the future where he can’t help everybody.

And so the time passes, Goro slowly getting used to the life in complete solitude, with his phone only buzzing to remind him of his shifts and notify of the random deliveries he sometimes orders. It’s a chill September afternoon when Goro comes back from work, taking a slight detour while coming home, enjoying the views along the way. A decision that will change his life again, the change not only affecting him, but the people who he left behind.

The fall is quickly approaching, and even though Goro was never the one to be interested in fashion more than necessary, he can’t help but stop and admire the newest collections, as the models on the shoot situated near one of the most popular hangout spots try their best to pose and show the clothes in the most favorable light. Goro comes closer, drawn by the commotion. He has nowhere to be at the moment, and taking a little break won’t hurt. 

Goro stops on his tracks when he finally takes a good look at the models, considering quickly turning back and walking away without a second to spare. There is a girl with all too familiar pigtails, brightening up the scene and posing with much more confidence than Goro remembered. She hasn’t noticed him yet, but if he stays here any longer she most definitely will.

This is precisely what he wanted to avoid, the exact reason Goro left Tokyo in the first place. If he stayed, the chance of running into one of the former Phantom Thieves every day was too great for Goro to feel safe. If he stayed, the past would catch up to him sooner rather than later, and his fears would come to light.

Goro quickly considers his options. If he stays here, Ann will most definitely notice him, assuming she still remembers the brunette. If she does, it would mean this whole time Goro was running away from something which he never needed to escape from, giving him another chance he doesn’t know if he can handle. If their eyes will meet, and there will be no recognition in them whatsoever, his worst suspicions will be confirmed, the truth setting Goro free from these two years of uncertainty and nightmares he never wanted to acknowledge as real.

He doesn’t need to make a choice, because Ann turns her head to look at the crowd of people and immediately locks eyes with him. She lowers the sunglasses she is wearing, eyes squinting and smile disappearing from her face. The frown quickly fades, replaced by surprise and, to Goro’s dismay, joy upon seeing the brunette, swiftly leaving the set and exchanging few quick words with the staff before turning in Goro’s direction. 

There is no need for Goro to run away now, already getting the answers he was searching for. Any conversation between them isn’t necessary, Goro could just turn away now and disappear, none of the former thieves would be able to find him again anyway. But he would be lying to himself if he said he isn’t at least a tiny bit curious about what everyone else was up to while he was gone, so he stays in place and lets Ann run up to him, the girl visibly shocked and not quite knowing where to start.

“Akechi? Is it really you?” 

Goro takes a deep breath, already knowing this meeting will bring up too many unwanted memories and a future the brunette can’t see himself in anymore. “Good morning, Takamaki-san.” It’s not like he could deny their acquaintanceship, and while playing dumb is certainly an option, Goro wouldn’t step so low as to choose such a cowardly way of escaping. 

“What are you doing here? I mean… How are you…?” Goro can understand the hesitation, he can’t find the right words himself either. Ann shakes her head, “You know what, it’s not the right place to talk. I’m just finishing up my shoot and I’ll be free for the day, could you wait a few minutes? I know a nice place where we can talk…?” she looks at him hesitantly, Goro realizing he never changed his passive expression and quickly fixing his mistake.

“Of course.” Goro says with a smile he should have long forgotten how to make, seeing the girl coming back to the shoot with a shy smile, apologizing to the staff for running off. 

And so Goro is left alone with the thoughts he never wanted to deal with ever again, staring blankly at the crowd in front of him, idly passing time until Ann informs him of the place she mentioned before, asking him to meet her there. He could just walk away. Turn around and come back to his apartment, shutting the door behind him and cutting off the only chance of ever getting back to his old life. So he looks up the name of the place Ann told him about, and heads there in hopes of finally getting the answers he’s dreading to hear.

It’s another half an hour before Ann barges through the door to the small diner which apparently has the best deserts in town, Goro waiting for her while trying to clear his mind and stopping himself from leaving. She notices him and gives a small wave, her expression cheerful and overly friendly, like he’s an old friend worthy of such pleasantries. “I’m sorry I’m so late! The weather got kinda bad and we expected it to be sunny all day. Still, we finished way earlier than I expected.” 

She sits down in the booth with Goro, carrying several bags with her, presumably the clothes she was wearing before. “It’s only my second day here and I already managed to find the best places to get desserts around here. I guess I never got rid of my sweet tooth, after all!” Goro can’t say that’s the backstory he cares most about, but he’ll take what he can get. Initiating a meaningful conversation is the skill he lost already, and the fact he’s scared to hear any news at all isn’t helping.

The girls hesitates upon seeing Goro’s disinterest, “Sorry, am I keeping you from something important?” 

“You’re surprisingly okay with this situation, Takamaki-san.” Goro finally speaks up, voice firm and demanding answers even without asking for them.

She’s taken aback only for a second before trying to maintain a shy smile and replying, “Come on, it’s just Ann.” Like they’re friends enjoying the weekend, and not enemies with one of them being presumed dead for several years. 

Goro just shakes his head at that, ordering a simple slice of apple pie when a waitress comes up to them, Ann ordering a medium sized parfait in turn. Goro stays silent with a million questions running through his head, but still waiting for Ann to speak first. He’s not going to tempt fate, if there is still something that needs to be done with regards to his previous life, he’s going to let it come to him on its own.

“How… have you been doing…?” comes the first question from Ann, Goro scoffing quietly.

“I’ve been better, thank you.” The silence falls over them again, a minute passing with both of them quietly looking out the window.

Ann sighs, “Look… I’m probably just as weirded out as you right now, but… you’re here, somehow, and… with how things has been recently there was no way I could just ignore seeing you back there.” Now they’re getting somewhere.

“So…” Ann continues, “…where have you been all this time? Why didn’t you let us know you were alive?” Her voice turns sour, Goro shivering slightly at the implication of what it could mean. 

“I managed to escape from the palace and ended up in a hospital, where after two weeks everyone promptly forgot about my existence, the fact I’m pretty sure you’re well aware of. That’s all there is to it.” Goro sits back and folds his arms, looking away from Ann. She fidgets in her seat, leaning slightly towards him but backing away and sighing.

“You have no idea how much better our lives could have been if you were there.” Goro twists his head again in her direction, surprised at the admission. It’s easily the last thing he expected to hear from Ann, given all the things he has done. The astonishment must be evident in his expression, seeing as Ann shakes her head slightly and starts to recount what life had in store for the remaining members of the thieves. 

The stories aren’t all that different from each other. Most of them decided to focus on education for the time being, a wise choice seeing as Shujin isn’t exactly a prestigious school able to grant a job right after graduating. And while Ann is still studying at the same university as Ryuji and Yusuke, she still settled for carrying on her career as a model, dedicating her free weekends to a various trips around Japan. 

Despite his weak performance at Shujin, Ryuji miraculously managed to enroll into a decent university, focusing on sport as his main subject. After Kamoshida, he swore to prove the world he can be the best PE teacher that ever existed, never straining his leg himself but helping others break the records. 

Yusuke, being the artistic soul that he is, never took his eyes of painting, pursuing the way of art and deciding to settle for the same university as the other two. Things rarely change when it comes to Yusuke, Goro is told, the boy still being an airhead and forgetting the basic human needs on a daily basis, oftentimes coming to Leblanc to spend time near Sayuri.

Makoto attends a university of a higher caliber, being granted a letter of recommendation and settling for a career in the Force. While Goro certainly can’t approve of her decision, knowing himself how taxing the job in the police can be, the girl’s character will be a problem on and of itself. With how often she seemed to complain about various aspects of her sister’s job, Goro can’t imagine how good it will work out for her.

Futaba finally decided to break out of her shell and attend Shujin, being familiar with the place already and finishing her first year in March. Ann seems to be particularly proud of her, constantly praising the hacker girl for her exceptional memory and quick wit, granting her an easy way to ace the exams and sail through the school life effortlessly.

Haru is the only exception when it comes to the path she chose for herself. The timid girl apparently decided to concentrate on the dream her grandfather had a long time ago, dedicated to bringing back the chain of cafés she so diligently oversees the construction of. She promised to catch up with her education as soon as she’ll be sure of the success of her business.

Ann falls quiet, eyes dimming slightly and turning her attention to the parfait which arrived during retelling the stories of her friends. Goro eats a small bite of his apple pie, anxious to ask Ann to continue with the last two people she seems somewhat hesitant to talk about. “What about… the rest?” Goro finally decides to ask quietly. 

He regrets asking about it in the same degree as he’s proud of himself for finally managing to face his fears. But Ann’s expression seems to waver, and soon enough the smile she was somehow able to retain on her face turns downwards, sitting back and sighing heavily. “It’s… complicated.”

Goro suspected as much, finally being sure that Akira never forgot about him, after all. The guilt is not something he’s ready to deal with at the moment, so he chooses to wait for clarification. 

“It would be better… if you’ll see it for yourself.” Ann says.

“What do you mean?” Goro responds. He tries to battle the anxiety ready to overtake him at any mention of struggles Goro is sure he put Akira through.

“Akira… hasn’t been himself for a long time now. Morgana keeps him company all the time, but… he couldn’t manage to bring him back. None of us could.”

“Bring him back…?” None of what she’s saying sits well with Goro. He tries to keep his face straight, but the urgency in his voice prompts Ann to speak again.

“Two years ago, after we assumed you died, Akira just… broke. For two weeks he refused all contact, and after that he kept pushing us away. We tried to get through to him, as much as we could. But no matter what we did he completely blocked himself off.” 

It’s all his fault. Goro was so self-absorbed with how he’s going to feel if Akira will not recognize him anymore, he refused to consider how Akira would feel if he believed the brunette is dead. He would never imagine that the incident on the ship would affect the ravenette so deeply, never imagined the boy would come to care for him so much, but now the damage is done.

“He moved to his own apartment, cut all contact with us and refused to let us know where he lives. Only when Morgana sneaked out a couple of times were we able to determine where he’s hiding. But even then we could do nothing to help him. Akira was so far gone into depression that even Morgana was freaked out by his behavior.”

Akira lost everything because of him. Everything Goro ever envied him he discarded. The bonds he managed to establish in such a short time, the compassion able to drive out everyone’s fears, the future which despite his criminal record looked so much brighter that his own. 

“We couldn’t just let him wither away like this, but it turned out our good intentions only destroyed him further.” Goro really doesn’t like where this conversation is going, but with all the clues he could gather, and with Ann’s expression of utter misery, Goro could predict her next words on his own.

“We noticed the cuts on his arms long before he tried to pull off anything serious. But even then we were barely able to prevent him from taking his life.” Ann stops there, nearly whispering the last sentence and not looking at Goro.

He lowers his head, eyes wide in shock. He should have known better than to leave Akira like this. Here he was cowardly running away from the possibility of him being a stranger to Akira, when the ravenette was suffering so much because of his fear. He tried to move on, tell himself that Akira is better off without him, when in reality he left a hole in Akira’s heart that destroyed him little by little.

How can Goro show his face to the ravenette now? Even if all of Akira’s struggles begun from his disappearance, he must have surely accepted Goro’s death already, even if he never actually learned how to heal properly. Would Akira hate him? Would he be happy to see him, forgive him and say he understands? Is the kindhearted boy who stole his heart still there, despite the hell Goro put him through?

The conflict must be evident on his face, because Ann pauses and tries to reassure him, “Wait, he’s okay now, don’t worry. It’s… kinda better now than it was before.” The words bring Goro very little comfort. “Since he went to college he spends more time with others, even if the company is… not the best one you can imagine…” she trails off.

“Where can I find him?” Goro finally makes a decision.

Even if Akira hates him now it doesn’t change the fact that Goro ruined his life, a mistake that the brunette needs to fix at once. He can’t keep running away, not when the only person who managed to treat him with such affection is suffering because of him. 

Ann seems surprised at first, but soon relief washes over her and she smiles widely, “Oh thank god! I thought I’d have to beg you to come back. I’d give you his address, but… I don’t think that you showing up there all of a sudden is a good idea. With how he’s been recently there’s no telling how he’ll react.” her words are worrying, but Goro’s mind is all made up. He will have to suck it up and endure everything Akira throws at him.

“It’s better if you come to Leblanc. You won’t find Akira there anymore, but Boss should let him know and he’ll most likely show up.” _Most likely?_

Goro stands up, putting money on the counter and turns to Ann, “Thank you, Takamaki-san. I’m sure it won’t change anything, but… I’m sorry. I’ll do my best to fix this.” he bows slightly and turns to leave. 

“Hey, I told you it’s just Ann.” she adds light-heartedly.

Goro takes one step, but turns his head towards her again, “Oh, and before I leave. Please, don’t let anyone know you saw me here.” he pleads. It wouldn’t do Akira any good if he’ll suddenly discover that Goro is alive from one of his friends, as opposed to Goro directly showing up himself.

“My lips are sealed. But… lets exchange our numbers, okay? In case Akira won’t tell us anything, or if you need me to help you with finding a place to stay the night in Tokyo, okay?” With a bit of hesitation Goro agrees. It would be better for the brunette to have a way to reach out to any of the former thieves somehow. 

With a small bow Goro walks out of the diner. When he’s back in his apartment, Goro takes out his travelling bag and packs all the necessities, and the next day at the crack of dawn he takes the first train to Tokyo. And so, the boy who left only destruction on his path, sets out to fix his mistakes, hoping to save the one closest to his heart.

~~~~~

It’s silent for a while after Goro finishes his story. Akira hasn’t interrupted him since he started talking, and sat in the booth with his head propped up on his arms the whole time, trying to process this new information. 

The brunette seems hopeful having finally explained himself, his feelings and motivations given for Akira to judge. And as much as Akira’s heart can find logic in Goro’s story, his brain can’t accept it. “So…” he starts, quietly and hesitantly, “…you’re telling me that you were afraid?”

Goro nods, his eyes trailing off to the side. “You were afraid that I have forgotten you.” It’s not a question, but the brunette nods again. 

Akira scoffs, his voice turning eerily emotionless. “You were alive all this time, and you’d rather run away than come back.” The brunette fidgets in his seat, eyes scanning the café in discomfort. “I told you. I told you to come back to me and yet you disappeared. You ran off to god-knows-where to live your happy life alone.” Akira doesn’t change his tone, but the accusation is clear.

“You’d rather leave me here alone, like I didn’t give a shit about you. Like all I ever wanted wasn’t for us to be together again, like you didn’t say you loved me.” his voice is trembling, but Akira is determined to get his point across. Goro looks back at Akira, lips parting slowly but no words coming out.

“I was alone.” his voice is steady again, “For the longest time I prayed for a miracle, that maybe I’ll find you again someday, that maybe it was all just a nightmare. But you were alive. And I was alone.”

Akira looks at Goro, wearing a smile that doesn’t reach his eyes. “And now you’re here. Telling me you want to fix me. Telling me that you won’t run away anymore.” The brunette returns a shy smile, hope coming back to his expression. The boys look at each other, few seconds passing before Akira speaks again.

“Get out.”

“What…”

“I said get out.” Akira won’t agree to this. His life is a mess of his choosing, he already accepted to live a life without Goro a long time ago, and now the brunette thinks it will be so easy to show up like that and be forgiven? 

“But… Akira, I-“ Goro tries to argue but Akira cuts him off.

“You have no idea how hard it was for me to accept you’re gone. All this time I was thinking I could save you, save everyone. I felt like a failure, like I was just a bother to everyone else, especially you. You always tried to save me from harm, no matter how many times I told you not to, and when I was left thinking you’re gone, you just left to another city and moved on! Like I never mattered to you!” Akira screams, Goro sinking in the booth at the sound of it.

“Just go!” he gets up, getting angrier by the second. “I don’t need you anymore!” Goro stands up slowly, eyes looking away from Akira in shame. The ravenette moved on already, learned how to live his life alone, and no matter how much he missed Goro, no matter how much he loved him, he’s too tired to try and change who he became. 

Goro looks like he’s on the verge of crying, Akira feeling a pang of regret prodding at his heart at the sight, but he casts it aside. Akira is shaking with anger, following the brunette with his eyes, making sure he leaves before Akira will fully snap. Goro moves like he expects the ravenette to change his mind, to stop joking and tell him what Akira really feels. But when he looks at the ravenette’s eyes again, there is no mercy in Akira’s gaze.

“I’m sorry… It seems that… coming here was a mistake…” Goro tries to steady his voice, letting out only the short sentences and scrambling for the door. With the last glance at Akira, who stands by the counter with clenched fists and stern expression, he opens the door and leaves, the bells jingling, the sound the only thing Goro left after him.

Only when the doors close, Akira feels it’s safe enough for his thoughts to run free. And the wave of regret that washes over him when he lets them out is powerful enough for the boy to sit down immediately. 

For the longest time he didn’t allow himself to mourn after Goro, stupidly believing that his denial will make everything better somehow. He pushed his friends away, none of them being able to fill a hole in his heart that Goro left, deciding to never let it heal as a reminder of his greatest failure. And now, when he was finally able to move past it, to accept a life Goro isn’t a part of, everything gets turned around again.

He thinks back to the times when Goro was with him, how happy he was back then even if all the brunette could offer was a passing conversation. How his feelings slowly made his life better, even despite the dangers tied to the life of being a Phantom Thief. He thinks back to the last time he’s seen Goro, how desperately he wanted him back, how Akira would give everything to have Goro with him again. Just like few minutes ago, a chance he irreversibly wasted.

_‘I wanted so much more than this. We could have been free.’_

Akira remembers the Valentine’s Day he spent without Goro, all the things he wanted them to do together, all the things he never said to him.

_‘We could have spent Christmas together, kissing under the mistletoe. We could have spent New Year’s Eve together, counting down to the beginning of the days when we’re no longer chained. And today I could have given you all the chocolate, all the flowers you could ever want, telling you… telling you how much I love you.’_

He never stopped feeling like this. Not when he slowly started to realize he’ll never see Goro again, not when he pushed everyone away, not when the world forgot about the brunette, when Akira himself started to slowly forget the tone of his voice, the curve of his lips, how the honest smile Goro showed only to him made everything better.

Not when he told him to get out, to let him disappear without a trace again and leave Akira without closure once more.

_You fucking idiot!_

Akira runs out of Leblanc, praying to every god Goro is still around. If the brunette is heading towards the train station, there is no time for Akira to search nearby alleyways, deciding to take a chance and rushing to the subway. He doesn’t care about the people he crushes into, doesn’t care about the cold that seeps into his bones, Akira being left without his jacket, hanging on the chair in Leblanc. 

He makes it to the station, noticing a train with its doors closing, Akira looking around frantically. Goro is inside, with his head turned away from Akira and his hands awkwardly wiping his eyes, the trail of tears obvious even with the distance between them. Akira takes off, hoping he can make the train stop somehow, make Goro turn around for him to see that Akira made a mistake. To let him know that he still needs the brunette, no matter what his traitorous brain told him. 

Goro doesn’t turn around to see Akira running after the train. He doesn’t turn around to see Akira crumble, throwing away the only chance at being happy once again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy thoughts everyone, happy thoughts ahahahahaa


	4. Home Bird

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I figured I've been an angsty mcbitchface for way too long, so have an early chapter where nothing bad happens.
> 
> Warning for cuddles.

“Are you sure I can stay here?”

Goro finds himself in Ann’s apartment, the girl suggesting the idea due to the late hour and the brunette’s distressed voice over the phone. He wasn’t even aware of making a phone call until he heard a voice coming from the speaker, too emotionally drained to even care about how he must have sounded like. Before long he showed up at the address he was given. 

Even though Goro is familiar with solitude and much prefers it to any form of interaction, this time he can’t stand the thought of being left alone. Letting somebody who Goro used to be enemies with help him is degrading to say the least, but nothing is going to hurt more than the rejection clouding his mind since he ran out of Leblanc. 

Ann warned him it might not be easy to just show up in Akira’s life again, and hope for the boy to accept him without any explanation. Goro wasn’t expecting to be instantly forgiven, but the outright hatred he was met with was something the brunette never thought he will experience when it comes to the ravenette. 

Akira said he doesn’t need him, and while it’s not Goro’s place to say otherwise, the brunette understands Akira’s stance. It’s for the same reason he avoids responsibilities, running away from any sign of attachment and bonds he could have created anew. It wasn’t unusual for Goro to be invited for a hangout with his coworkers, only for the offer to be turned down immediately and promptly followed by the brunette finding himself another occupation.

He can’t hurt anybody if he won’t allow anyone to get close to him, and in turn no one else can wrong him if Goro won’t let them. Deep down the brunette still hopes it comes down to the exposure factor, that if he stays in Tokyo and insist on Akira’s company, the ravenette will eventually warm up to him again. But after today’s events Goro is thoroughly drained, and frankly he doesn’t think he can pass any sound judgment this late at night.

“Of course you can, I invited you here after all.” Ann says, “So if you’re not covered in fur and walking on four legs I don’t think there will be any problems with you staying over.” Right, he saw the plate on the door informing that no animals are allowed in the building. 

The apartment is big enough for the entire family to live in, much less for two people to share. Goro notes with relief that the sofa is big enough for him to sleep on, and that it’s far enough from the room Ann uses as bedroom, allowing him not to bother her any more than necessary. Accepting her offer was humiliating enough, but Goro doesn’t let his thoughts linger on it, wishing to fall asleep already and forget about today.

“So how did it go?” Ann asks when Goro sits down on the sofa, the girl taking a seat next to him. It seems Goro won’t escape an interrogation. He shuffles away from Ann, not wanting to make it any more embarrassing than it needs to be. “Judging by how you’re not staying with him tonight, it didn’t go very well, huh?” 

Before Goro has a chance to look away, he responds, “It’s admirable how hopeful you are, Takamaki-… Ann.” The girl will insist on Goro using her name anyway, it’s redundant to resist any longer.

“I’m just joking, I wasn’t expecting it to go that well. But before your phone call…” Goro looks away in shame “… I hoped it would at least have a happy ending.” 

Goro is silent for a moment, twiddling his thumbs to distract himself and finally replying, “It’s… far from a happy ending.” It didn’t register at first, but now when he finally says it, Goro is struck with a realization of what that means for their future. 

No matter how Akira might have reacted to Goro’s appearance, the brunette was sure it would end up with Goro staying in Tokyo and supporting Akira, whatever it might entail. But after their confrontation, Goro finally facing the extent of Akira’s misery, the brunette hesitates. Akira wanted to cut ties with his previous life, and Goro is the cause of that decision. It stands to reason that the ravenette has no desire to allow himself to be vulnerable again.

There is a darker side of Goro, the one chiding him for being so meek and docile instead of assertive and aggressive. He can almost hear Loki laughing at him, telling him Goro has all the right to be angry at Akira for being ungrateful. Two years ago, before everything went down, Goro used to do everything in his power to keep Akira safe. So many sacrifices he had to make just to make sure Akira remained unharmed, and now the boy has the audacity to push Goro away. 

But that was then, now Goro knows better than to play the martyr and accuse everybody else for his own fate. He’s done enough damage to know he deserves nothing less but a life of solitude of his own choosing, where no one can hurt him and where he can make sure to stay away from other people’s happiness. 

Which would be enough of a reason for Goro to stay away from Akira, but from how much the brunette knows from Ann and Akira himself, the boy is anything but happy. It seems he has been struggling with the similar dilemma, albeit with Goro being the reason for his suffering, the ravenette straying away from his friends in fear of them getting hurt for his own well-being. What’s the worst that can happen if Goro chooses to stay in Tokyo, after all?

Seeing the conflict on Goro’s face, Ann decides to break the silence. “What did he say?”

“He doesn’t need me anymore.” Goro answers with reluctance, hoping to believe those words for his own good. 

Ann grimaces and sighs, “Okay, so that’s complete bullshit.” Goro wishes it was, but remains silent. “I mean… Akira can be an asshole sometimes, but you don’t really believe that, do you?”

“If that’s what he thinks, then who am I to say otherwise?” That’s one of the reasons Goro decided to stay away from other people, the habit of turning sarcastic instead of being honest is still too deep-rooted in him.

Ann looks offended, her tone turning accusatory, “Didn’t you say you love him?”

That’s probably the last thing Goro expected Ann to say, quickly turning away from her before he’ll manage to embarrass himself further with his cheeks turning pink. “It was… a long time ago.” the memory isn’t particularly pleasant to recall, despite how he might have felt in that moment.

“Uh-huh, and you’re telling me you wanted to come back just because you’re feeling obligated to help him, right?” Goro is stupid to raise to her bait, but her tone is too challenging for him to resist.

“He made it perfectly clear that he doesn’t want me around anymore. I would be a fool to believe that my presence will have any positive influence on him.” it hurts to say it, but no matter how Goro feels, that’s the reality Akira’s words threw him in.

Ann still looks unconvinced, “It’s easy for you to say when you weren’t there to see how heartbroken he was after losing you.” Goro suspected it to be the case, but even knowing it already doesn’t help the brunette in lessening the guilt he feels. “I don’t know what the hell came over him, but I’m sure he didn’t mean what he said.”

“Easy for you to say when you weren’t there to see how he blamed me for his misfortune and almost threw me out of Leblanc.” Goro shots back bitterly. 

Ann smiles knowingly with victory, like there is some kind of knowledge that Goro isn’t privy to, “True, but I also know that’s pretty much how every one of us felt at some point, and how sheepishly Akira looked after doing that.” Goro tries to smother the subtle feeling of hope that tries to bloom in his heart.

Even if that’s true and Akira acted out of surprise and disbelief, the facts remain the same. It’s because of the brunette that Akira felt it was necessary to isolate himself from everyone. Even if there is a possibility of Akira benefiting from Goro’s presence, no matter how the ravenette reacted, his final verdict would be the same. 

Ann’s voice interrupts Goro’s wallowing in self-pity, “Give him time, okay? I bet he’ll come running back to you before you know it.” 

“I didn’t plan to stay for long this time. I have to come back to Osaka tomorrow.” It’s a lie, Goro was willing to stay at least a week if everything would turn out alright, but now there is nothing and no one Goro is inclined to stay for. 

“So that’s why you packed up a bag full of clothes, huh?” Goro remembers a time when he was reluctant to become friends with the rest of the thieves, and right now the reason for this becomes quite obvious.

“I’m not welcome here. There is no reason for me to stay in Tokyo any longer.” Goro replies, trying to make himself sound confident but disappointment and regret easily slipping through the act. 

“Hey. I’m not asking you to leave, am I?” 

“I’m sorry for my rudeness, but I didn’t come here to reminiscence about old days. I’ll be taking my leave as early as tomorrow morning.” Goro says with finality. He’d be asking for too much, but he wishes there would be a room for him to use, so he could hide and end this conversation already. Instead he remains on the couch, opening his bag and taking out his belongings, with intention of taking a shower and going to sleep so he can be spared from any more of this nonsense.

“When did you become such a pushover?” Ann asks. There is no spite in her words, but Goro is already annoyed enough to take it as an offence.

“I don’t have to listen to this.” Goro stands up to avoid any further confrontation, he doesn’t want to make any more enemies that he already did. 

Before the brunette can walk away, Ann grabs him by the shoulder and forces him to sit back down, “No! I won’t let you run away again.” The conviction in her words is enough to stun Goro into compliance. 

“My apologies, but I thought you accused me of being a pushover, and now you expect me to listen?” Goro says before he can stop himself.

“Nuh-uh, my house, my rules. You’re gonna stay here and we’re going to talk. It hurts me to see how you two are destroying each other when both of you clearly want to get back together.” _Back_ together?

Ignoring Ann’s demand, Goro focuses on the second part of her little speech. “But… we were never technically…”

“Yeah, sure. Tell that to the stares you both were sending each other and the sexual tension during our meetings that made me feel bad for you two.” Goro underestimated how dangerous Ann can be, making him feel so many emotions in the span of one minute.

“I-… We, um…” What can he say to that? That he felt bad for himself as well? He’s not going to agree with her, that’s for sure. 

Ann snorts, starting to laugh soon after, taking Goro’s messy attempt at replying as victory. “Admit it, you miss this, don’t you? Nothing’s stopping you anymore. I bet Akira will come back to you begging for forgiveness in no time.” 

Goro would love to believe her, and despite the incident from Leblanc he finds himself considering the possibility of it being real. It’s true that a revelation such as this must have hit Akira harder than Goro anticipated, the ravenette surely needs some time to process it. He must be mad for believing Ann, but he can’t deny the feeling of hope that finally managed to break out and overtake him, hearing the girl’s assurances. 

He turns away from Ann, trying to hide the first sign of amusement on his features. Admitting she might be right is out of the question, so he tries to push her away from the truth the only way he knows how. “I don’t understand you.”

“Huh? Come on, you know I’m a romantic at heart, every second when you two are not together is torture to me.” Ann says with an overly cheerful voice.

Trying his best to ignore the implications of her words, Goro clarifies his doubts, “No, I mean… I really don’t deserve such treatment from you. From anyone of the former thieves, for that matter.”

“And why is that?” Her obliviousness annoys Goro as much as it endears him.

He sighs before speaking up, “I don’t know how you can put so much faith in me not hurting Akira. I was meant to kill him, in case you have forgotten.” He tries to get a reaction out of her, but she seems uninterested and unperturbed, so he carries on, “I was meant to kill all of you. How can you say that somebody like me will ever deserve to be back on good terms with him, much less with any of you?”

“We told you, didn’t we?” she replies, unconcerned like it’s all obvious, “You know, back on the ship? We wanted you back in the team. And, I mean… you hurt a lot of people, I get that. There are some of us who would probably be a little harsher, but… Akira changed you for the better, didn’t he?”

Goro nods. Even if it was too late for him to change Goro’s fate, Akira was the one who made him realize that there is more to life than his revenge. He made him realize there is someone worth letting it go. Even if none of his past crimes could ever be forgiven, even if the guilt he feels will never disappear, Akira made everything feel a little less painful just by being close.

“I can’t speak for everyone…” Ann continues, “… but I know that we have already forgiven you a long time ago. So stop trying to provoke me and just accept it already.” she finishes with a mischevious smirk.

Goro can’t help but smile a little, finally turning around to face her. Before he decides to speak up, Ann carries on, “So you’re staying here where I can keep an eye on you and make sure you’re not going to run away. It’s decided!” 

“I really can’t overstay my welcome like this. Surely there must be a hotel nearby where I can stay and not bother you anymore.” Goro tries to argue.

“And let you feel sorry for yourself all day? Not happening, we’re going to go out tomorrow and you’re going to live a little.” It’s almost amusing to watch how she takes it as a point of honor to make Goro feel welcome. As much as the brunette hates himself for allowing her to feel the need to cheer him up, he’s grateful more than anything else for her dedication. 

It would be extremely rude not to let her know, so he tries his best to express his gratitude despite the embarrassment gnawing at him. “Thank you. I think… I needed to hear that.” he immediately turns away, not wanting Ann to feel any more satisfaction from this than she needs to. 

“No problem, Goro!” There go all the formalities. “Hey, I just remembered that I have classes in the morning, would it be okay for you to stay here and wait for me to come back? I mean, I can give you my keys so you can take a walk if you want…”

Goro considers voicing his concerns over how trusting she is, but chooses to address another issue, “Didn’t you say you’ll keep an eye on me?”

“Well, you’re not going to run away with my keys, are you?” the way she already struggles to think of solution to such scenario is enough for Goro to let out a laugh, reassuring her.

“I think I’ll stay here actually. I’d rather not risk a chance at being recognized by anybody.” There isn’t many people who still remember him, but when he came back to Leblanc Sojiro didn’t seem to have any trouble recognizing him, and Goro can’t be sure of who else might have kept their memory.

“Oh, alright! I’ll try contacting Akira tomorrow, try to guilt trip him a little or something, see what he says. So until then keep your hopes up, I’m sure he’ll calm down enough to think clearly by then.” Goro doesn’t say any more about this, trusting Ann to know Akira better than him at this point and hoping wholeheartedly that her predictions will be correct.

When all is said and done, Goro is finally free to take a shower, changing into his pajamas and settling on the sofa which is surprisingly comfortable for being slightly too small for Goro to fully stretch on. Despite the late hour and the most important issues already out of the way, Goro finds himself talking to Ann about everything and nothing, slowly letting himself relax in her company and forget about what awaits him tomorrow. 

When Goro can’t stop himself from yawning every minute, Ann finally lets him rest, and Goro finds it surprisingly hard to let her go. Despite their differences and troubled past, Goro has to admit she managed to alleviate most of his fears just by being her old persistent and determined self. Forgetting about the struggles awaiting him, Goro finally lets sleep overtake him, drifting away and thinking how being a pushover isn’t so bad, after all.

~~~~~

It’s already after midnight when Akira returns to his apartment with disgruntled Morgana slaloming around his legs, demanding an explanation as to why he’s back home so late and if Akira even remembered about the cat being locked in the apartment an entire day. The ravenette doesn’t offer any answers, instead opting to shut himself in the bathroom, wasting no time in taking a shower and going to bed as fast as he can. He tries to ignore Morgana’s distressed voice coming from behind the door, quickly finishing up and taking the entire stash of the razor blades, flushing it down the toilet.

It’s time he owns up to his mistakes. He caused enough suffering because of his selfishness.

He knows Morgana deserves an explanation for all the times he listened to his complains about absolutely anything Akira came across in his life, for guarding the bathroom door with worry and living with him even though absolutely anybody else would be a better choice for a roommate. But even so, there is no need to explain anything. Not when there is nothing Akira can do to redeem himself anymore.

“I fucked up.” he says when he finally settles in bed, Morgana laying down beside him. Akira knows Morgana would understand. After all, he acted similar when the cat showed up after everyone assumed he’s dead, ignoring him and putting his own feelings first, refusing to acknowledge how Morgana must have felt. 

But the cat didn’t leave. Akira doesn’t know if it was because he had nowhere else to be, or because he didn’t want to abandon all the people he connected with. But Goro is different. He has a place to come back to, he has his own responsibilities and duties, and despite how much he wanted to stay by Akira’s side, the ravenette gave him no reason to think that he wants him back.

Not everything Akira said to Goro were lies, despite how much his emotions seemed to rule over him. There was still one side of Akira which rejoiced over the fact that the brunette is alive, but the fact that Goro kept it a secret for so long was enough for Akira to go off the rails. Too much time has passed for Akira to let this side of him take the reins and consider accepting the situation with no hesitation. And now, no matter how much he regrets his actions, Goro is gone again. 

Even knowing where to look for him in case Akira decided to search through an entire city of Osaka isn’t of much help. Knowing how adamant Goro was to letting anyone be close to him, Akira wouldn’t be surprised if after their previous encounter the brunette will feel the need to run even further away from Tokyo. 

“I’m sorry.” Akira hears himself say, apologizing to Morgana not only for today, but for an entire time he ignored him and everyone else. “I’m sorry.” he repeats, hoping that at least in some way he’ll be able to keep the nightmares at bay, if only for tonight. 

Morgana throws him a confused glance, the case of Akira apologizing for things Morgana isn’t aware of is too familiar of a sight. The cat doesn’t ask him to elaborate, he’s not in habit of doing it anyway. He learned a long time ago that prying into Akira’s life never worked out for him that well. There is nothing to say anyway, Akira can’t turn back time and stop Goro from leaving again. Nothing good is going to come out of everyone else knowing that the brunette is still around. 

The next day Akira can’t focus on anything with how little sleep he managed to get. He considers skipping classes, but recently there were too many of those and Akira can’t afford to miss any more. Besides, there is something he must do, and that involves leaving the apartment. 

He’s lucky he had no exams scheduled for today nor any projects requiring any actual thinking, otherwise his reputation would drop even lower than it already is. And with studying not being one of his escapism mechanisms anymore, Akira rather focusing on socializing one way or the other even if he doesn’t seem to enjoy it any more than studying, the amount of materials he has to go through on a daily basis is more often than not overwhelming.

Surprisingly, despite being the one to unofficially lead the pack of school lowlifes, Midori can be found on top of the lists with the test results. With being a diligent student during the day and a ruthless life coach at night, Akira has no idea how she’s able to juggle all the materials they’re given and still have time to waste on sitting on the roof. With her achievements, an hour or two spent on kicking Akira’s ass wouldn’t hurt her.

Akira finds her in the middle of the school period, surrounded by the class dweebs and exchanging notes. Akira finds it funny how none of them know about the company she usually keeps, only seeing her as a hardworking student. Akira has first-handedly seen how whenever the group plans an outing, Midori tries to stay away from the popular hangout spots and main alleys, just to avoid unnecessary questions later.

Even though Akira is typically described as a lowkey troublemaker just from being seen with the rest of the group once or twice, it’s not that bad to cause any strain on Midori’s immaculate record. So when she turns away to leave, Akira calls out to her and prays that whatever his brain was thinking when it decided it was a good idea to have a heart-to-heart with Midori of all people, will be enough of a retribution for him.

“Decided to attend some classes for once?” the first blow isn’t that bad, Akira’s defenses are still strong. 

“Yeah, well… It would be nice to graduate one way or another.” Akira tries to initiate a small talk to make it seem like he’s not desperate to have a talk with someone technically from the outside.

“Rough night?” Midori ascertains, looking over Akira’s face with the eyes of a hawk.

“You could say that.” It’s not like Akira expected not to be found out immediately.

“Must be quite a pickle if you decided to talk to me here. What did you fuck up this time?” Akira doesn’t know how many times he must have fucked up in Midori’s eyes during the short time they’ve known each other for her to ask him that.

“It’s complicated.”

Midori sighs, “We literally talked yesterday, how bad at life can you be?” _Not that good, apparently._

Akira tries to come up with an answer to that, but since he can’t think of anything showing him in any kind of good light he just shrugs. Still, he came here with a mission, and he’s not ready to take a full beating yet. “Would you be willing to spare some of your precious time on my lowly pathetic self after classes?”

She doesn’t say anything for a moment, looking at him with an unchanged expression devoid of any kind of positive emotion. “That bad, huh?” 

Akira rubs the back of his head, a habit he never got rid of. “I bought you your favorite cigs…?”

So now they find themselves on the roof, the daylight of the late afternoon forcing them to stay away from the edges of the building and hiding in the shadows. “Spill it, then.” Midori says, already smoking one of the cigarettes she brought herself, not taking Akira’s offering.

“You were right.” Akira starts.

“Get to the point.” As much as Akira would love to explain himself properly, he knows Midori isn’t the one to waste time on unimportant details. Even if she’s in habit of killing time by staring into the distance for hours, the practice Akira completely understands.

“So… there is someone I like-“

“Oh god, had I known before it’s a relationship advice I wouldn’t agree to this.” Alright, so maybe that wasn’t the best opening.

“No, listen! It’s not just that. I think… I lost him again.” Midori doesn’t reply, but it seems it’s enough to get her attention.

“We used to be close a long time ago, but then… he was gone, and… I thought I’ll never see him again. After we talked yesterday I found out he’s back in Tokyo and…” Akira cuts off, evading pretty much everything from the story except for the basic information and being too ashamed of his actions to finish talking. Even though a beating is exactly what he’s looking for.

“We talked, but… I got mad. I told him I don’t need him anymore and only realized how stupid I was when he left.”

Midori turns her head away and scrunches up in disapproval, “And what do you want me to do about it?” Akira has no answer to this. 

She sighs at the ravenette’s helplessness, “Did you mean it?”

“No.” 

“Then why did you say it?” A million dollar question.

“I was angry. I haven’t seen him in two years and he acted like he has all the rights to just come back and fix me.” It’s oversimplified, but it’s not like Midori knew Akira before staring college.

“Can you contact him?” Akira’s phone buzzes but he tries to ignore it for the time being.

“No. I know he’s living in Osaka but that’s about it. I’ll never find him in the city that big.” Midori seems to be even more disappointed.

“He’s not dead, is he?” Akira wishes the question wasn’t so close to the truth that he thought was real just a day ago.

“No…?”

“Then why are you acting like everything’s lost already?” Why indeed. If he’s determined enough, Akira’s sure he could scour an entire city in few days by himself just to be with Goro again. The real question is, will the brunette ever feel like he’ll forgive Akira for his initial outburst and believe he never meant anything he said?

Seeing how Akira remains silent, Midori carries on with her expression turning more sympathetic. “I wish I was in your position right now.” She smiles bitterly, walking closer to the sunlight.

“Three years ago I met a girl who turned out to be my best friend until the end of high school. I can’t even recall how the hell our friendship worked that well. We were like fire and ice with that one.” she smiles, looking lost in her thoughts. Akira has never seen Midori smile genuinely. 

“Her name was Yui and she was the exact opposite of me. Out-going, cheerful and overflowing with positive energy. She could do so much better than me, and yet she hardly ever spend time with anyone else.” Akira really doesn’t like the use of past tense. It starts to sound too familiar to his own experiences.

“We were so excited to go to the university. Through an entire three years of high school we were pretty much fighting over who’s going to get the best scores just to be able to enroll in the best one. Few months ago I never would’ve thought I’ll end up here instead. She never even got the chance to graduate.” Midori is still smiling, but the sadness in her voice is foreshadowing enough for Akira to look away and stare into the distance. 

“She died in an accident few days before the end of the school year. And I failed all my finals and ended up here instead.” It hurts how much Akira can understand her. 

“Do you know why I study so hard?” Midori asks, but Akira remains silent, looking at her questioningly. He feels like it’s not his place to say anything yet. His phone buzzes again, but Akira can’t look away now.

“I know she’d want me to graduate and go to the best university I could, and I know it won’t change anything, but I hope if I try to be the top student she’ll forgive me for never getting there in the end.”

She turns to Akira, “And now you’re here telling me how one time you got mad at somebody and think it’s the end of the world.” When she phrases it like this Akira can see the absurdity of this situation. If only it was that simple.

“All I’m saying… “ Midori continues, “… is that as long as you’re both alive, nothing is set in stone. No matter how hard it might be, you still have a chance to right your wrongs. If you really care, that is.” Akira can’t say he imagined this meeting to go like this, but he feels even worse now than he predicted he would. He feels like shit for making Midori recall such painful memory, a fresh one at that.

“I’m sorry… I really have to look like a spoiled brat to you right now.” Akira tries to act humble, in hopes of not making it any harder for her.

“If you’ll even try and pity me I’ll kick your ass for real.” Or not.

Despite her serious tone Midori is smiling again, the playful smirk making Akira relax. “Your phone was buzzing earlier.” Oh, right.

Two messages from Ann. Unusual to say the least.

 **Ann** : ur an asshole you know that?

 **Ann** : fine!!! ignore me while we’ll have an awesome slumber party without you!

They haven’t really seen each other lately, and the only thing Akira fucked up big time recently was his encounter with Goro from yesterday. So if that’s what she’s referencing…

… then it means Goro must have told her about everything. Because he gave Ann his number. And Akira was too preoccupied with trying to tackle this problem by himself, he never even consider asking for help.

 **Akira** : is he with you?

Akira continues to ignore Midori while trying very hard not to get his hopes up too much. It’s no use, especially when her next message arrives.

 **Ann** : yes and he’s doing super fine on his own

 **Ann** : its not like my otp meter is breaking whenever he’s talking abt u or anything

 **Ann** : I heard more abt u being hotttt today than I heard anyone say in my entire life

 **Ann** : he says the kiss was gggggggggg

 **Ann** : ahdjofgbualdb

Akira doesn’t know if these messages were thought through in any way, and wonders about what strategy Ann thinks she’s using, but Akira supposes that if he really meant what he said yesterday they would be of little to no help. As it is, however, he can’t stop grinning at his phone, hearing Midori chuckling quietly from the side.

 **???** : Please ignore her, I said no such things.

Akira sees the message from the unknown number and hovers his finger over the screen with uncertainty. If it’s really him, Akira doesn’t want to make any mistakes anymore. If his heart will dictate how it will go from now on, Akira doesn’t think it will be a problem.

 **Akira** : Goro?

“Is it him?” Midori finally asks, observing for the last few minutes how Akira’s face brightened up from the messages.

“I think it is.” Akira replies, surprised at the joy dripping from his words.

Midori looks at him, the warmth in her eyes something Akira never though he would ever see. “Then go to him.”

 **???** : I’m sorry, I asked Ann for your number earlier. I’ll delete it immediately if you wish.

It’s the last thing Akira wants at the moment so he makes sure Goro will never do that, ignoring the hurt that seems to radiate from the message.

 **Akira** : no, keep it

No matter how much Akira wants to beg for forgiveness even through the text, he feels like being too persistent will not work in his favor this time. Until few minutes pass and Akira still received no new messages from anybody.

 **Akira** : Goro I’m sorry

Another minute passes and Akira’s distress must be visible enough for Midori to comment on it. “If you already fucked up again I’m throwing you down this roof.” He doesn’t know how that’s possible, but her honesty is surprisingly relaxing. Nevertheless, Akira feels like it’s time for him to leave and fix his mistakes, standing around waiting for an answer won’t help him in any way.

“I hope not. I need to go. Thank you.” Akira tries to make all the sentences as short and precise as he can while moving towards the stairs. Midori doesn’t seem to have a problem understanding it, shooting him one last knowing smile and needing no other explanation.

He rushes out of the building, running in no specific direction, feeling that if he stays in one place nothing is going to change. He figures he never specified what he’s apologizing for to Goro, and opens up the chat to establish it.

 **Akira** : I didn’t mean what I said

 **Akira** : I tried to run after you but you already boarded the train

 **Akira** : I’m sorry

Few minutes pass and Akira is trying to prepare for rejection as much as he can, feeling guilty for making Goro feel so much worse than that a day before.

 **Goro** : It’s fine. I think it’s me who ought to apologize to you.

That’s where Akira would argue, but he had enough of it already.

 **Akira** : it wasn’t you who punched me in the face and tried to blame everything on me

 **Goro** : I wish it would be the only way I would have ever wronged you.

Akira was a fool to believe it would be easy to convince Goro of him being sincere.

 **Akira** : Goro I’m serious, I made a mistake, please don’t leave me again

 **Akira** : I felt like shit the entire day cause I felt like I’ll never get a chance to tell you how fucking sorry I am

 **Akira** : please believe me

Another minute passes and with each pause Akira begins to wonder which of his blabberings will finally make everything worse again.

 **Goro** : I believe you.

 **Goro** : Ann told me you have quite the set of unhealthy coping mechanisms.

Akira breathes the sigh of relief he feels he’s been holding for years. No matter how many humiliating details Ann told Goro about, Akira thinks it’s worth it as long as he’ll get the brunette’s forgiveness in the end.

 **Akira** : do you want to come back to Leblanc?

 **Akira** : I promise to stay as far away from you as you want

It may be a little to forward considering how Akira treated him the last time, but no point in prolonging it anymore.

 **Goro** : It’s not going to be very far, then.

Akira feels like with this message all the life force he’s been slowly losing overtime is coming back to him. He hoped for them to be at least civil with each other, starting over from the beginning and seeing where it goes from there. To see that Goro is willing to skip at least few stages fills Akira with joy he thought he will never feel again.

 **Akira** : the feeling is mutual

 **Goro** : I’m glad. Don’t hit me this time, though.

Akira curses how he can’t properly decipher the feelings behind those words from the text messages alone, speeding up his steps and heading to Leblanc. He’s still afraid he’ll take his jokes too far and he will drive Goro away again, so instead of teasing him, Akira opts for the facts.

 **Akira** : I’m going to Leblanc right now, how about you?

 **Goro** : I’m on my way as well. I’ll meet you there, yes?

 **Akira** : I’ll be there as fast as I can

And with the weight finally lifted from his shoulders, Akira proceeds to do just that, feeling lighter than ever before. He can’t screw it up this time, the opportunity to talk to Goro again is enough of a miracle for there being any more of the second chances. He’s not going to overthink anymore, the plan so simple it’s making Akira smile. And so he runs back to Leblanc, laughing along the way and not being bothered by the odd stares he gets from the people he passes, finally ready to embrace all the wasted opportunities he thought he might never see again.

~~~~~

Goro arrives at Leblanc at the same time as Akira, seeing the other boy running out of the alleyway with a smile that could only be described as dopey. The smile falters for a quick second when Akira notices the brunette standing in front of the door to the café, but comes back full force almost immediately as Akira walks up to him fast, Goro taking a step back impulsively.

The brunette tries to ignore Akira’s guilty expression as he stops a considerable distance away from him, Goro straightening up and taking few steps in Akira’s direction. Goro already told the ravenette he believes him, and with Ann’s numerous assurances there is no need for them to make it any more awkward than it needs to be. 

Which apparently can’t be avoided, seeing how Akira tries to say something, but the only sounds that come out are incomprehensible mumbles and sighs. The brunette smiles with amusement, deciding to spare Akira any more embarrassment and speak up. “Hello, Akira.” He will never admit it, but inside he’s very much in the same state as the ravenette. 

“Uhh-… Yeah! Hi!” Goro wonders why did he ever feel the need to fret over what he’s going to say to Akira. The brunette can’t believe that he’s the same boy from the day before, burning with rage and so sure that Goro’s presence was unwanted. Looking at him now Goro sees only a blubbering mess, barely stopping himself form laughing out loud at Akira’s pathetic attempt of replying.

“Do you- uhhh… Do you wanna go in?” Akira asks while pointing at the door. It appears that he can only process the most basic of information at the moment. 

“I think it would be wise.” Goro replies, seeing how Akira nearly trips on the way to open the door.

The ravenette clearly didn’t notify Sojiro of their visit, seeing as the old man is clearly surprised and trying to read the air as soon as he can. Thankfully, there are no other patrons in the café, and the familiar company is putting Goro’s mind at ease. 

“Hi, Boss!” Akira starts, the overly cheerful voice is so obviously out of the ordinary for him, Sojiro can’t help but raise his eyebrows. Goro can almost see the gears turning in Sojiro’s head seeing both of them together again, and frankly he wishes it would be exactly as the conclusion the old man probably reached. But no matter how close Goro wants to be to Akira, there are still too many doubts hanging above the both of them to properly explain their current relationship.

“You didn’t tell me you were coming.” Sojiro says, like they’re some special quests coming to visit him instead of regular customers. Goro guesses they’re not really all that regular, with Akira barely coming to Leblanc anymore and Goro being supposed dead for a considerable amount of time. 

“Yeah, well… I guess I kinda missed the atmosphere…” Goro rolls his eyes, stepping in to save some of his own pride if Akira decides to say anything else.

“Our apologies, Sojiro-san, it was a split second decision. After yesterday we simply didn’t have enough time to enjoy each other’s company.” It wasn’t meant to be a jab in Akira’s direction but Goro sees from the corner of his eye how the ravenette flinches slightly from him words. It isn’t entirely a lie, Goro doesn’t think that any of them had a chance to enjoy absolutely any part of their last meeting.

Sojiro scratches the back of his head, “Alright, I suppose I can close up earlier today and let you boys take over. I guess you still have a lot of things to talk about.” An understatement, but Goro isn’t going to argue, it would be better if they’re alone for this after all.

After the short exchange of pleasantries from both sides the boys are left alone in the café, the air already tense enough for Goro to barely hide his nervousness. Technically, there is nothing to be stressed about. They already established the basics, Akira admitting he was wrong about letting Goro go, and the brunette forgiving him for his earlier outburst. But text messages are not enough for Goro to be able to properly read Akira.

“So… you want some coffee?” If the said coffee will have the same substance as Akira’s confidence which apparently evaporated into thin air, then it would be best to prepare for the disappointment. Still, at this point Goro is way too giddy to be with Akira again to complain about anything, much less coffee.

Goro smiles at him, trying to appear as calm and collected as he can, “If it’s not too much trouble.” He doesn’t know if the formal talk is doing them any good, but Goro is certainly amused by how Akira looks overwhelmed already, quickly disappearing behind the counter and getting to work without another word. Goro takes his usual seat, even though he shouldn’t call it that, seeing how much time passed since the last time he was here, aside from yesterday. 

He missed this. The smell of the coffee beans in the air, the TV quietly playing in the background, the feeling like the time has stopped for the two of them. He doesn’t want to dwell on the past, the café already proved itself to have such an effect on Goro, so he’s thankful he has a distraction in the form of a boy behind the counter, stealing glances and shy half-smiles in his direction, not turning away even when Goro catches him red-handed. 

He returns the gesture, trying to assess if Akira calmed down enough to finally say something coherent. “It brings back memories, doesn’t it?” He immediately wants to kick himself for it, seeing how Akira’s smile turns unsure. The memories Goro made with Akira are pleasant enough to recall, but surely there must be a lot of them involving a sad and lonely boy without the presence of the one he missed. 

Despite the sadness on his face, Akira seems to agree, “It does.” And that’s it.

“I’m sorry…” Goro tries to fix his mistake, “… I suppose we shouldn’t dwell on the past.” 

“It wasn’t all bad, I guess.” Akira replies, still busying himself with coffee. Goro wants to agree, after all he wouldn’t be here if that wasn’t the case, but before he can speak up he’s interrupted by the cup placed in front of him.

“I’m sorry if it’s not the best. I fell out of practice.” Akira rubs the back of his head, the habit Goro missed so much. “And, uhhh… I’m sorry if… I’m being too forward, I guess…” Akira turns away, blushing slightly and making Goro’s world feel right again.

It’s only then the brunette looks at the cup, immediately feeling the rush of emotions upon seeing the same foam heart Akira presented him so long ago. It isn’t perfect, the edges slightly crooked and the line in the center not entirely cutting it in half, but it’s not important. Goro can see the effort put in it despite the months Akira spent away from Leblanc, the effort Akira was willing to put into it for him. 

Goro closes his eyes, trying to hold back the tears he feels are already welling up, trying to get his emotions under control. He knows that eventually he won’t be able to stop them, but he refuses to be defeated by such small sign of affection. So after it’s safe to open his eyes, Goro tries his best to express gratitude, “Thank you. You know I wouldn’t have complained either way.”

“Better safe than sorry. Hey…” he trails off. “… is it okay if I sit next to you?” Goro is getting slightly annoyed by how stubborn Akira is in making sure Goro feels comfortable around him, but he also knows how much the ravenette suffered because of his own actions, so he’ll let it slide.

“Of course.” Goro replies, sighing in relief when Akira finally sits down on the chair next to him. 

The silence settles over them again, Goro feeling Akira’s eyes on him constantly, the brunette stealing short glances but overall making no move to call Akira out. “So… about Ann’s messages-“

“It’s…! T-they were-“ Goro tries to deny Akira’s assumptions even without knowing what the ravenette is really thinking, coughing and covering his mouth, “I’m sorry. She insisted on trying to get a reaction out of you and I couldn’t stop her.” That’s the truth. “Her imagination tends to run a little wild, I suppose.” That’s a lie, but Goro isn’t about to confess that it was his imagination that was doing all the work.

Akira throws him a knowing smile, Goro blushing and looking away, “Right. You know, I saw once how she drilled Ryuji with questions about his new girlfriend and he ended up spilling all the details without even being aware of it.” 

“Oh good, it seems your cheekiness is back in its place.” The brunette states matter-of-factly. It’s not beyond Goro to steer the attention away from himself with rude remarks. 

Thankfully, Akira takes no offence and laughs instead, the sound filling Goro with warmth he hasn’t been able to feel for way too long. “I think you took it with you and you’re only giving it back now.” It wasn’t meant to be accusatory in any way, but Goro feels his smile faltering and eyes turning downwards.

“Akira…” It’s been a long time coming, but it’s no use trying to prolong the inevitable. “I-“

“No.” Akira interrupts him, “I know what you want to say, but I already told you. I made a mistake and I don’t blame you for anything.” Goro wasn’t expecting Akira to speak with such conviction, seeing how just few minutes ago he was struggling with letting out a full sentence. 

“Maybe it’s because you’re here now.” Akira looks at Goro, the sad smile on his face, “Maybe it’s because I know you’re safe that I can say it.”

Akira turns away from Goro again, “I didn’t want to believe it at first, you know. I know I hurt you, but… So many times I hoped that it’s all just a dream for me to wake up and realize you’re gone. I couldn’t take another one.”

Goro feels the sudden urge to get closer to Akira, to hold his hand or embrace him, anything to assure him of his presence. “But… you’re here. This is not a dream.” Akira glances at Goro, searching for confirmation and the brunette can’t hold himself back, placing his hand on top of Akira’s.

The touch is electrifying despite the simplicity of it, the ravenette falling silent for a second, staring at their joined hands as if he still couldn’t believe the reality. “ You’re… here…” he says quietly, squeezing Goro’s hand.

“I’m not going anywhere, Akira.” Goro finally speaks up, not wanting to give the ravenette a reason to believe he’s the only one who cares.

Akira laughs, the sad laugh that echoes in the café, promising something better than the life they were forced to lead apart from each other. It goes on for too long, Goro realizes, seeing how Akira is still trembling after a while. Until he sees the teardrops on the counter and hears the sound of Akira’s breath hitching, letting out broken sobs. “You’re… really here…”

Goro is glad Akira is the first one to break, he isn’t sure how much longer he would be able to hold back his own tears. So when Akira squeezes his hand even tighter, Goro doesn’t hesitate anymore. It seems that Akira can’t restrain himself as well, both of them needing the contact they were denied for so long. 

Goro doesn’t know when was the last time someone had seen him cry. He made sure to avoid putting his emotions on display, hiding behind a mask where no feelings would ever prevent him from reaching his goal. But regardless of how much humiliation the act brings, it doesn’t seem to matter with Akira’s arms wrapped around him, holding him tightly like a lifeline and pouring his sorrows out for the brunette to dispel.

It’s everything Goro ever wanted. To know that the life he thought was his penance wasn’t meant to last forever. That all this time he spent in solitude never lessened his feelings for the boy in his arms. That Akira still feels the same, despite the life full of pain the brunette put him through. That they’re here, together and never to be separated again. 

And so they stay like this, the minutes passing and the brunette never bothering counting them, content with the warmth of the body pressed close to him and the overwhelming feeling of finally being wanted, _needed_ , by the only person who gave his life purpose. 

For the first time in his life, Goro finally understands the meaning of home.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rejoice, for I have conquered the angst and the beast is no more!
> 
> But seriously, the only sads from now on are going to be the leftovers from what I've already written.
> 
> The next chapter should be the last, unless I'll unexpectedly think of too much of a cute shit to jam it all into one chapter.


	5. Piece by Piece

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's the deal. To prevent myself from butchering my own story I'm going to divide the last chapter in two for few reasons:  
> a) I'm going to be busy for the next few days and I won't be able to finish an entire chapter on time.  
> b) These two scenes are way longer than I expected, and if I wanted to realease the rest of the story in the same chapter, it would lose its impact and feel extremely rushed.
> 
> With that said, this is as much of a filler as it gets, so I'm very sorry for that. I'll try my best to make the last one a bit longer.
> 
> I apologize for mild angst but hey, at least cuddles are still here.

“So what’s your favorite season?” Akira asks, continuing a long line of questions that accumulated over time.

“Really?” Goro sighs, the ridiculousness getting to him already.

“Humor me.”

“Winter.”

“Favorite pizza topping?”

“Akira…” Goro groans.

“So you admit you want to eat-“ Before he has a chance to lean closer to Goro’s face, the brunette puts his hand on Akira’s forehead and pushes him away. It’s not the first time he walked right into the ravenette’s trap.

They decided to head home for the day, figuring they spent more time in Leblanc than they anticipated. When they had no more tears left to cry, the boys noticed that at some point they ended up in a booth, still holding each other close, with Akira’s head on Goro’s shoulder and the brunette running his fingers softly through the boy’s hair. They weren’t talking about anything for a good while, the silence conveying their feelings better than the words ever could. 

Akira spoke up first, talking about his life after Goro’s disappearance. How the lethargy took over his life, how he gave himself to it, wouldn’t even try to fight it. He could have fought harder, confide in his friends so they could lessen his burdens, trust them enough to tell them about his worries. Instead he chose to isolate himself completely, the only contact he ever had with them were forced hangouts and the messages he exchanged with them out of obligation.

Akira heard how every time he struggled with putting everything into words, how reluctant he was to admit the things he did, Goro would apologize and hold him just a little tighter. It wasn’t his fault. As much as Akira wanted to justify his actions, he needs to stop running away. He could have tried and accept Goro’s death, but he never did. It would be crude of Akira to blame the brunette for his own decisions. 

In return Goro told him all about his life, right from the very beginning. From the happy, faraway moments he barely remembers while still living with his mother, through the painful recollections of the time he spent in foster homes, waiting for the day he’ll finally find people who will love him again, right until the moment they first met. Akira’s heart grew when Goro mentioned how happy he was every time they had a chance to talk, even for the briefest of moments.

The conversation steered to more pleasant topics, the future they’re planning together like it’s the most obvious thing in the world, Akira already thinking of the layout of their future apartment and wondering how to get rid of Morgana. But no matter how much Akira wanted to speed things up and arrange everything as soon as he can, what they decided for their relationship was complete opposite of his wishes.

They’re still not thinking clearly, their common sense buried deep under the happiness they found in each other again after months of separation. And despite how much Akira wants to skip all the stages and run straight to kissing Goro senseless, the brunette declared they’re going to take things slow, much to Akira’s dismay. He knew right from the start that every day he’s going to be pining after Goro even if he’ll be standing right next to him for the next few weeks. 

After almost three hours of spilling their guts to one another, they were finally spent enough to laugh at their own misfortunes and talk about the dumbest things they could think of. And that’s how they end up here, on the way to Ann’s apartment, Akira walking Goro back and refusing to take his eyes off of him. Like hell he’ll let him out of his sight. 

“Ok, so I’m your favorite topping. Next question!” Akira continues to infuriate Goro with the most random questions, feeling how despite their ridiculousness he still feels like he can understand the brunette better, even if all he answers with are grunts and sighs announcing defeat. “What’s your worst habit?”

“Talking to you.” Goro answers with a deadpan expression.

“Ouch. Alright, that’s fair.” Akira laughs nonetheless, seeing a tiny smirk on the brunette’s face. “You said you like winter, why is that?” As pointless as these questions are, Akira wants to know every detail about Goro’s preferences. He figures it will pay off eventually.

The brunette puts his hand under his chin, “I suppose the cold plays the biggest part. People tend to stay at home, the evenings are longer, it feels like the world itself slows down. I use to feel less lonely when I’m not the only one who strays from responsibilities while sitting under a blanket with a book in my hand.” he finishes with a melancholic voice.

“Good thing the winter is almost here, I can be your blanket.” Akira winks, Goro turning away and blushing slightly.

“I’ll… allow that.” he says with a gentle smile. Even after somehow establishing that their feelings for one another never went away, Goro is way too reluctant in voicing his thoughts, something Akira isn’t entirely pleased with. He’ll have to find a way to make the brunette lower his guard around him more often. “May I ask _you_ a question?”

“Sure, shoot.”

“Can I see the last picture you took with your phone?”

_Busted._

He couldn’t resist. He thought he was stealthier than that, but Akira supposes he could never fool Goro. When they were still sitting in a booth Akira took out his phone, checked the hour and pretended very hard not to pay it any mind when he tried to snap a good picture of them being so close to each other. The thought of straight up asking Goro for permission never crossed his mind. 

“Umm… sure. Here.” It’s fine, he can get hundred more pictures if Goro decides to delete them.

Surprisingly, he doesn’t. After a minute of Goro staring at the screen with an unreadable expression, he finally asks, “Can you… send it to me?”

Akira’s face lights up, the boy way too eager to comply. Akira marvels at how after tapping the send button Goro stares at his screen with his eyes shining bright, the same way his own eyes light up whenever he looks at the brunette. They walk in silence for a few minutes, Akira looking at Goro from time to time, still seeing him stealing glances at the screen, tapping few buttons and hiding his phone. 

“Thank you.” Goro finally speaks up.

“You have nothing to thank me for.” Akira says, feeling like the photo isn’t the only thing on the brunette’s mind.

“It’s… the first photo someone took of me since the day I was forgotten. I feel like… I’m finally real again. So… thank you. Truly.” Goro smiles at him with adoration, Akira’s hand making a beeline straight for the brunette’s own, squeezing it in reassurance. 

“You were never forgotten, Goro. I could never do this to you.” 

“You said something else the first time we saw each other again.” Goro squeezes his hand back nonetheless, recalling the incident from the day before. 

“I… did. I forgot the sound of your voice, the color of your eyes, but I could never forget _you_. I would never forget all the things you did for me. So thank you, Goro.” Akira lifts their joined hands and lays a gentle kiss on top of Goro’s, seeing the brunette looking away bashfully, like just few hours before they weren’t clinging to each other desperately. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to bring the mood down.” Goro says with his voice barely above a whisper. 

“Not at all, as long as you’re here that’s never going to happen.”

Goro snorts, “Stop being sappy.”

“Honest, you mean.” Akira grins, earning another grunt from Goro and coming back to their previous banter. Not for long, it turns out.

“We’re here.” Goro announces, Akira finally registering something else in sight that is not the hazelnut-haired boy. He remembers this place, the destination of Ann’s demands for Akira being her personal bag carrier during their forced hangouts. He hasn’t been here ever since.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, yes?” Goro is way too calm about cutting their meeting short, even though they have already spent several hours together. Akira has to fix this.

“You’re not going to invite me for a tea?” Akira asks pleadingly.

“I don’t think it’s in my right to invite you. It’s better if we part ways for today.” Goro is smiling, but the ravenette clearly sees the struggle in his eyes and doesn’t know why he even resists. It’s obvious Goro craves his company as much as Akira, the ravenette already feeling like the slow pace they agreed on is going to take more out of him than he would like.

“I’m sure Ann wouldn’t mind.” he tries to bargain, seeing Goro’s doubtful stare. Akira sighs, figuring it wouldn’t hurt (much) to finish for today and resume their meeting next morning. “Alright, but I’ll come and pick you up as soon as I wake up, alright?” He doesn’t know what they’re going to do yet, but it doesn’t matter. He doesn’t want Goro leaving without Akira making sure he’s safe, and no matter how they decide to spend their spare time, as long as they’re together Akira will agree to anything. 

“You have classes tomorrow.” he hears Goro say assertively, bringing him back down to earth.

“I can skip them, no problem.” Akira says, hoping the obvious lie and the way Goro still struggles with keeping his distance will be enough to convince him.

“Akira…” Goro sighs, rubbing his temples, “I’d love to meet up as soon as possible, you should know that…” He doesn’t , not with how Goro obviously contradicts himself. “…but I won’t let you skip classes in favor of our meeting. I was told you’re in habit of doing it even without my involvement.” Ah, betrayed once again.

“I have classes every day, and I haven’t seen you for two years. What’s more important?” Akira realizes he must sound like a kid demanding to turn the tide in his favor, but he doesn’t particularly care at the moment.

Goro closes his eyes for a second, visibly annoyed at Akira’s pathetic struggles for the high ground. “I’ll be there as soon as you finish classes, how about this?” 

“I don’t want you walking around alone.” While it’s not a strong argument, Akira is way too paranoid to know he won’t be able to focus on studying while Goro is wandering the streets of Tokyo alone. He knows his fears are unfounded, but he already lost the brunette once, and he’ll do everything in his power to not let it happen again. What’s few missed classes in the face of keeping Goro safe?

Akira knows there is nobody else who would pose any danger to Goro anymore, all of them forgetting about the former detective. While in Leblanc, the brunette voiced his doubts about the people who still remember him, and Akira was more than happy to assure him that any of the people who retained their memories are of no threat to him. And even if they were, Akira would make sure to nip them in the bud.

“Then I’ll be waiting for you here. You can come here as soon as you finish classes and I can help you with your studies.” Akira can’t say that studying is the most exciting thing in the world, but since he pledged not to complain about anything as long as Goro is around, he can only make a disapproving expression. 

Sensing that Akira won’t be easily persuaded, Goro decides to take matters in his own hands and manipulate him the way the brunette knows will be the most effective. So when Akira opens his mouth to argue, Goro lifts his hand to the ravenette’s cheek and gives him a quick kiss on the other. “Please?” Akira can’t think of any more arguments.

“Okay.”

Goro chuckles, Akira’s mind short-circuiting and his face feeling way too hot all of a sudden. He’ll agree to anything if Goro would be so gracious and do more of that. A short peck on the cheek feels like a far cry from what his body is telling him to do to the brunette.

“I-… Tomorrow-…uhh. Studying, right?” Akira hopes his mindless ramblings are enough for Goro to understand the message. 

The brunette looks even more amused than before, “I’ll see you tomorrow, then. Be safe, Akira.” He turns around and disappears behind the door with a quick wave, Akira’s eyes never leaving him until he walks up the stairs and vanishes from the view. 

Akira is only half aware he’s still standing in one place with a dopey smile on his face, his thoughts completely overrun by Goro. He slowly turns around to leave, his movements sluggish like he’s underwater. Akira brings his hand to his cheek, laughing quietly to himself and heading home, thinking how he’ll never wash his face again.

~~~~~

Goro should have known that their studying session will bear absolutely no fruit, especially with Akira being distracted by his presence alone. For almost an hour Goro tries to help Akira with the homework he accumulated overtime, and every time he explains the rules of particularly difficult equations or recalls certain events from history, he pretends to ignore the fact that Akira never takes his eyes off of him, probably not paying even the slightest attention to the words coming out of his mouth.

They have the apartment for themselves, Ann is still busy with her classes and promising to join them later, not that he minds being alone with Akira. The boy got here way earlier than Goro anticipated, explaining himself with an excuse that the last class was cancelled, not like he believes it for a second. Goro chose to remain silent and not call him out on it, too occupied with Akira’s arms wrapped around him as a greeting. Even the smallest contact makes his skin tingle, his mind screaming for more.

He doesn’t know why he’s so anxious about starting something more serious with Akira. Maybe it’s the thrill, the anticipation of the good things that are sure to come, the time spent on getting used to each other again making it so much sweeter when they’ll finally be able to make another step. Maybe he’s still afraid. Afraid that Akira’s infatuation will pass, that he changed too much for Goro to discover it in just few short days and the brunette doesn’t want to hurt him if that is the case. The thought makes him shiver like he’s splashed with a bucket of cold water. 

But as much as he sees how eager Akira is to speed things up, and as much as he would love to yield to his wishes, he’s too scared of his past habits. Not counting how he always tried to escape from any kind of commitments, Goro is used to being alone way too much to immediately agree to share his life with someone else and expect it to go perfectly.

It shouldn’t be so easy to dispel his worries, but all doubts leave him when he looks up at Akira, his grey eyes still locked on him, staring at him like Goro is his entire world.

“Do you understand now?” the brunette asks nonetheless, knowing very well that Akira isn’t even sure where he is right now as long as they’re together. 

“What?” comes Akira’s eloquent response, confirming Goro’s predictions.

The brunette sighs. This is going nowhere. “You promised you’ll pay attention.”

“You never specified what I have to pay attention to.” the boy grins at him in victory. Goro wants to wipe that stupid smile of his face. Preferably with his own.

“Can we go out now?” Akira asks pleadingly like a kid wanting to visit the playground.

“Are you done with the homework?” Goro has no trouble playing a concerned parent if that’s how Akira wants to go about it.

“Why does it even matter? If I fail we can always go to college together starting next year.” The ravenette finishes cheerfully. Goro hates himself for considering the offer.

He is the reason Akira missed out on so many things already, he’s not going to contribute to him failing his studies. “I refuse to be a justification for your academic failures.”

“You’re cute when you’re mad.” Akira says, unbothered by Goro’s firm voice.

“You’re hopeless.” Akira smirks at him, his eyes still refusing to look away.

Knowing very well that nothing is going to get through to him when it comes to studying, Goro hopes to finally broach the subject they were dancing around since yesterday. “Don’t you think you should explain yourself to them?”

“To whom?” comes Akira’s swift reply, clearly evading a straight answer.

“Don’t pretend you don’t know what I’m talking about.” Goro won’t let him get away with this one.

“Well, maybe I don’t _want_ to talk about it, did you think of that?” the brunette doesn’t like how quickly Akira seems to lose his cool and turn scornful in only few short seconds, looking away from Goro and furrowing his eyebrows.

“You promised you won’t run anymore.”

“Yeah, well. I made a lot of promises and you know what? I broke every single one of them.” Akira growls, leaning back on his chair and not meeting Goro’s eyes anymore.

It’s obvious from how the boy’s acting that no one ever got further that this with him. Maybe he was too stubborn to continue, maybe the former thieves knew how futile it is to try and change Akira’s mind, but Goro won’t back down. He knows he’s the only one the ravenette will listen to.

“So you’ll just give up?”

“What’s wrong with that?” Akira argues. “Look, we can leave this place. We can go to Osaka and live there, right…?”

“Akira…”

“We can leave everything behind. Start our lives anew together. I know they don’t need me anymore, they won’t care about anything I’d have to say…”

“Akira.”

“… I couldn’t help them anyway. They’ll be better off without me.”

“Akira!” Goro screams. If this is the only way to get Akira’s attention he’ll use any means possible. As much as it hurts him hearing how little the ravenette thinks of himself, he needs to make him realize how many lives he changed for the better.

Goro lets out a humorless laugh, “Tell me, is that how you think of me as well?” Akira looks slightly taken aback, “Do you think I don’t need you? That I was happy living on my own, happy to leave you behind?”

“I don’t know how you feel, Goro.” Akira replies, his voice emotionless. “I thought nothing changed between us, but you insist on us taking our time. I’ve been waiting almost two years to see you again. And I’m starting to wonder if you missed me as much as I missed you.” Goro needs to come back to the main point, otherwise he’ll lose control of the situation in no time.

“Maybe you’re lying to me. “Akira continues with a sad smile on his face. “Maybe that’s what you wanted all along, to make me reunite with everyone else and disappear again just to clear your own conscience.” It’s hard to ignore how bitter his voice became. 

“You’re talking nonsense, Akira.” Goro tries to hide how painful it is to hear his accusations. “You need to stop thinking that everyone is your enemy. I’m trying to help you, and so is everyone else.”

“You’ll gain nothing by trying to help me!” Akira stands up, the chair sliding on the floor with a screech. “Why can’t it be just the two of us? Why do you want the others to be back in my life again if you cared about me? I don’t need anyone else but you, you know that!” This is ridiculous. As much as Goro appreciates how much Akira cares about him, he knows that the loneliness he put the boy through has destroyed him more than he thought. While Goro doesn’t mind the solitude, Akira was the happiest when surrounded by other people, and to deprive himself of that was his downfall.

“I’ve been alone my whole life.” Goro tries to keep his voice steady, no matter how much he wants to scream. “Even when I met you I tried to keep my distance, tried to take things slowly. And now you expect me to jump into a relationship two days after we met again? Have you really became so selfish to disregard how I feel?” Trying to shift the blame on Akira again is risky, but Goro sees that the fault lies on both sides of the conflict and he’s not going to pretend that the ravenette is innocent.

“So you admit it’s my fault, then?” Akira asks, and Goro tries to keep himself calm as much as possible.

“And you admit you’d rather force me into a situation I’m clearly uncomfortable with just to satisfy your own impatience?” Goro shots back.

“Uncomfortable?” his expression is unreadable, stuck between surprise and betrayal, until Akira scoffs and apologizes with a fake regret “I’m sorry. It seems I was wrong about you. You should have told me it was all just a farce to make me submit, at least I wouldn’t-“

“I love you, you stupid idiot!” Goro can’t listen to him anymore. Maybe it’s a low blow, but if admitting his feelings and the soft, affectionate touches are the only things able to break through Akira’s thick skull, he’s going to use them as long as it takes for the ravenette to believe that Goro’s feelings are genuine.

And this time it seems to work without a flaw, Akira falling silent immediately with his mouth open, the rest of the words forgotten. Goro doesn’t want to wait until he find his voice again, getting up from his chair and walking up to the boy “You’ve changed, Akira. And I care about you too much to let you destroy yourself for the reasons that don’t exist.” 

He walks closer to the ravenette, reaching for his hand, “I wish you could see yourself through my eyes. To see how many lives you changed, how many people looked up to you, how much it hurts me to see you deny the company of your friends who made you shine so much brighter. What do I have to do for this boy to come back to me?” Goro cups Akira’s face in one hand, holding his hand with the other. He hates himself knowing the gestures aren’t entirely honest, the brunette playing his part just for Akira to pay attention a little longer.

“Come back to you…?” Akira repeats in a trance, not completely understanding the meaning of Goro’s words. The brunette isn’t surprised, when Akira gets like this any hidden messages have very low chances of getting through to him. But maybe this time it will prove to be an advantage.

“You’re lost, Akira. And I need you to find that boy I fell in love with, the one with compassion and kindness capable of moving mountains.” The hand falls from Akira’s face, “Even if you claim your friends don’t need you, I know that _you_ need _them_. And I’m sure they feel the same about you.” Goro leads him to sit on the couch, settling close to each other.

Akira seems to be more aware of his surroundings now that he was forced to move, blinking rapidly and trying to wrap his mind around Goro’s words. Before he has a chance to speak up, Goro knows he’s not done talking yet. “Did you change Shido’s heart?” Simple questions are the key.

Akira looks surprised at the sudden change of subject but still nods. “Did you promise me to do so?” Another nod, Akira biting his lip and looking away in recollection of the day when it happened. “And yet you claim you never kept any of your promises. Why is that?” It’s time for Akira to finally explain himself.

“It didn’t change anything.” Akira says quietly, “No one cared. And I… lost you. I couldn’t protect you. I promised myself time and time again I won’t let anything happen to you and look how it ended.” His lips are quivering and eyes watering slightly.

“I’m here, Akira. That’s how it ended. You saved me, in more ways than one. You kept your promises.” It’s enough for Akira to break, his head falling on Goro’s shoulder and his sobs speaking of another promise, to change and fix what’s broken.

Goro doesn’t mind that it’s already becoming a habit for them to comfort one another every time they meet, with at least one of them in tears. He knows it will a process, and he knows that even if Akira will try to change, there will be many instances where he will resist. But Goro won’t leave him, he will stay with him as long as he lives, fixing what he broke and putting his shattered heart back together.

Even though he promised himself he’ll stay in control for Akira to know he can be relied on, Goro can’t help but tear up when the boy nuzzles into his neck and whimpers, quiet apologies the only thing he’s able to say. Goro can’t find the words to console him, his heart breaking whenever Akira speaks up, running his fingers through the ravenette’s hair in hopes of bringing him at least some comfort.

“Oh my god, I’m so sorry! Did I interrupt something?” Ann finds them in the same position few minutes later, when both of them calmed down. Surely enough, both boys jump backwards at the sound of her voice, thankful that at least their faces aren’t covered with tears. The same can’t be said about the flushes of red on both of them.

“I can come back later if you need some privacy.” she continues.

“No!” both boys scream in unison, looking at each other and laughing quietly. Maybe it’s what they needed. Goro is sure that Ann can lighten up the mood like no other, even at the cost of his pride. 

“Are you sure? I don’t want to be a bother if you’re in the middle of something.” Especially at the cost of his pride.

“My apologies.” Goro clears his throat. “We are your guests, if anything it’s us who should leave.”

Ann waves her hand, “It’s absolutely no problem. What are few makeouts in the grand scheme of things?” She takes the bags with the groceries and heads for the kitchen, completely unperturbed by the effect of her words.

Goro looks at Akira, the boy too flustered to say absolutely anything, so he takes matters into his own hands. “Oh, no. It’s nothing of the sort. We’ll uhh… we will leave shortly, I realize our presence may be bothersome to you.” 

“Dammit, and I even changed the sheets for you.” Ann says with disappointment while looking at her bed, unbothered in another room. As it should be.

“W-What…?” Goro doesn’t bother to hide his uneasiness, not even bothering to look at Akira, hearing him letting out a strangled noise. Surely, that must be enough of a humiliation for one day.

“So when’s the party?” Ann asks like it’s the most obvious thing, and even if Goro has no idea what she’s talking about, he’ll gladly change the subject.

“Party…?” 

“Yeah, a welcoming party. You never had one, did you? We have to round everyone up so you can apologize for being a dumbass and running away.” He has to agree with her point. Still, Goro doesn’t think that a welcoming party is something he deserves. There is, however, another reason they will need to bring everyone together.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t think it’s a good idea.” He turns around to look at Akira, hoping the ravenette will understand his intentions. It looks like he does, Akira standing up and walking up to them with uncertain steps.

“Umm… I think… there is something I have to say to all of you.” Akira says slowly, rubbing the back of his head. “Can we all meet up in Leblanc tomorrow?” 

Ann’s face lights up, Goro dreading to think of all the wrong ideas he can read in her expression. “Ohhh, I get it! It’s like a secret. Sure, how about at five, is that okay? I’ll tell everyone.”

The boys nod, Akira looking at Goro with concern, “Are you sure you’re okay with this? I can go alone.”

Goro doubts that it will end up with anything but a disaster, and no matter how afraid he is of facing all of the thieves again, Akira will need the moral support. “I’ll go with you. I believe I owe them all an explanation as well.” 

“You don’t know how they’ll react, maybe you should wait upstairs…?” Akira argues, like they’re discussing battle strategies instead of a simple meeting.

“Everyone’s cool with Goro, don’t even worry about it.” Ann interjects, taking out the groceries and being her usual, oblivious self.

A few seconds of silence pass.

“What… do you mean they’re cool with me?” Goro inquires carefully.

“Oh, you don’t know? Futaba still has the café bugged. You know, just in case of any trouble.” She hides the groceries in the fridge, “Man, you should have seen the chat after she sent us the audio of the two of you talking!” They should have known. Like they weren’t embarrassed enough. Still, if the group knows of his first meeting with Akira, it certainly puts him in a bad light, and Goro needs to be there to support him.

Goro coughs, “I assume we are okay in that regard, then. Still, I believe that an audio file is not enough to successfully convey everything I still want to say to all of you. I’ll be joining you tomorrow.”

“Of course you will, we’re already preparing the food and drinks, so don’t worry about a thing.” Ann says cheerfully.

Goro turns to Akira, smiling softly and standing next to him, the ravenette grabbing his hand and squeezing it reassuringly. It’s the first step towards a better future, perhaps the most important one if Goro wants to bring the old Akira back. And no matter how hard it might be for everything to go back to the way it was, Goro will be there to support Akira as much as he can, never letting go, just like the hand he holds tightly in his own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I dedicate this chapter to the last episode of the anime, may it burn in hell forever and never shows its face to me ever again.
> 
> Maybe I should have made Goro completely fucking crazy from the beginning since that's all his character comes down to after all. 
> 
> On a lighter note, the lovely Lenny69 draw an amazing fanart of the scene in the first chapter, so if you haven't seen it already, go and check it out. You can see it [here](http://kagurayato10.tumblr.com/post/178492024734/after-a-whole-week-of-exams-which-arent-over-yet)


	6. The Promised Land

They arrive at Leblanc almost an hour before the meeting, Akira too anxious to go home after classes and going straight to Ann’s place to bring his moral support with him. Goro assured him he would come along with Ann as early as they can, but Akira knows that only having Morgana’s attempts at small talk to occupy his thoughts isn’t an ideal solution and will make Akira doubt himself even more. Not because the cat isn’t going to have any encouraging words for him, but because even if he does, Akira knows he won’t believe him.

Admittedly, it’s not the best mentality to have before facing the people he wronged so many times and confessing to all the wrong-doings being his fault, something Akira isn’t even sure if he believes. He didn’t have enough time to think this through, always being surrounded by other people trying to tell him otherwise. It’s different with Goro, who gives him hope and the promises of the better future. It’s different with Ann, with her being one of the people who tried to keep in touch with him the most and telling him he’s just an idiot. It’s different with Morgana, who saw all his mood swings, all the ups and downs, the monologues with which he tried to assure himself of doing the right thing.

He knows he’s got problems, more severe than he would like to admit. He doesn’t want to blame Goro for any of them, blame any of his friends, but there is a part of Akira which loathes all of them for ever letting him believe he was the hero, when in reality they only needed themselves to succeed. The part which tells him he has all the right to be angry, to change his mind about the purpose of the meeting and tell the group what he really thinks of them. 

Only he doesn’t know if these feelings really belong to him. He was told the group needs him, that they looked up to him, respected him even. That he is just misguided, that it will all change once they finally come together again and come clean with their feelings. After returning home yesterday, after talking with Ann and Goro, talking to Morgana, he tried to keep these thoughts in mind and not let them go, otherwise the other side of him will corrupt them. 

Akira wants to believe that so many people telling him the same thing can’t be wrong. But maybe it’s too soon to try and come to terms with the truth. Maybe he really did change, maybe upon seeing Goro again his mind became foggy, still covered with a pleasant feeling of happiness he hasn’t been able to feel for such a long time. Akira feels his thoughts swirling in his head and wonders if Goro is right about keeping his distance.

He almost lost him again because of his own insecurities, almost drove him away because he let his anger take control. Akira could excuse the first time with being too shocked to truly be able to accept that Goro wasn’t just his imagination, but it happened again in Ann’s apartment. What if he decided to keep provoking the brunette? Surely, even his decision about staying with Akira would have-

“Hey.”

The soft voice brings him back from the depths of his own mind. Right, they agreed to not let Akira linger on his thoughts for too long.

“I can hear you thinking.” 

He’s sitting on the makeshift bed he used to occupy in the attic of Leblanc, Goro sitting next to him and his hand creeping slowly to take Akira’s own. Morgana is sitting on the desk, his watchful eyes still getting accustomed to the image of the two boys he will have to endure from now on. 

The cat noticed the shift in Akira’s mood for the last few days, but it was only yesterday that the ravenette decided to explain the reason. It was to be expected that Morgana didn’t quite believe Akira at first, and the ravenette would be lying if he said the pitiful and skeptical looks the cat was giving him didn’t bother him at all. The photo he took of him and Goro sitting in the booth in Leblanc was the only thing capable of convincing him of the truth of Akira’s words. 

To prevent Sojiro from having to close the café earlier three days in a row, they decided to hold the meeting upstairs, the decision making Akira even more anxious than before. The familiarity of the place giving him no comfort anymore, doubled with no close proximity to the exit in case he decided that the meeting will not have a happy ending he is hoping for, is making Akira even more anxious even before anyone else showed up. 

There is forty minutes left before the meeting starts, and Akira already wants to run out of Leblanc without looking back. Before that can happen, he would have to detangle himself from the hand keeping him in place, the task too difficult for his clouded mind to initiate. 

“Everything is going to be alright.” Akira hears Goro saying reassuringly, the sound of his voice calming him down more than the meaning of his words. _It’s not going to be alright_ , his brain screams, _they’re going to hate me even more_.

“Are you sure you’re okay with being here?” Akira asks, trying to distract himself from his own problems.

“Are you sure you can do it on your own?” Goro shots back, knowing he’ll win even without Akira doubting him.

Before they arrived at Leblanc Akira could distract himself with listening to Goro and Morgana talking to each other, the brunette briefly explaining how he survived and where he was all this time, knowing he will eventually retell the whole story to the group _if they will accept him_.

_They have to._

Akira is slowly losing control, unwanted thoughts making their way to the forefront of his mind and he knows he will have to get a grip if he doesn’t want to make everything worse. Even the warmth of Goro’s hand isn’t enough to chase away the doubts of the uncertain future in which Akira doesn’t have anyone worth living for. 

He shouldn’t feel like this, the past already proving that if the group wanted to cut ties with him, they would have done it a long time ago. Their insistence on keeping in touch, on the regular hangouts and text messages asking about his well-being should be enough to assure Akira that admitting to his mistakes will be the last thing able to break their strained relations. _But it’s not right._

_You can’t escape_. They never gave up on him. _They will trap you here and won’t let you go before they’re done with you_. They… they will forgive him. _They will finally show you your place_. He doesn’t deserve them. _You wasted their time. They were all lying to you. And now they will finally get their chance to destroy you_. 

“Akira…!” 

He doesn’t notice he’s shaking until the hand that’s been trapping him moves to cradle his face, making him turn towards Goro, his brows furrowed and the concern not yet entirely chasing away the nightmares manifesting in the real world. Akira tries to take a deep breath, quickly finding out that his lungs aren’t able to keep up with the fast pace the ravenette set for them, closing his eyes and focusing solely on Goro’s touch. 

He can’t keep relying on him like this. Akira knows that the only reason he agreed to do this is for Goro’s sake, and yet there are too many unknown factors to take into consideration due to this decision. If what he’s doing is the best course of action for Goro, how can he know if the same can be said for him? He vaguely remembers the confidence he possessed years ago, traversing the Metaverse with his friends in tow. 

The brunette said that his friends were the ones who made him shine brighter, but such sentiment brings a whole new wave of self-doubt. If Akira wasn’t capable of bringing out these emotions by himself, then he was right to believe his friends are better off without him. If the only thing he was good at was stealing someone else’s light and claiming it as his own, then…

But… Goro said he loves him. Even after all this time, even after knowing how miserable his is, how his selfishness forced him to make decisions he wouldn’t otherwise make. There must still be something in him that the brunette admires, something worth pushing everything else aside and building something stronger on the new foundations. Goro isn’t going to leave him, and forever seems like a long time for Akira to ensure he’ll climb back up from the hole he fell in so long ago. 

He needs to take a chance, if only to keep Goro by his side.

“I- I can do this….” Akira says, his voice wavering.

Goro smiles, making Akira look at him and running his thumb over his cheek, “Of course you can.” 

There is a soft sensation making itself known on Akira’s skin, realizing upon closer inspection that Morgana decided to settle next to him in hopes of calming him down. Truly admirable, knowing that any form of affectionate gestures is the cat’s worst nightmare. It’s pathetic how Akira forced Morgana to behave like this so frequently during his worse days, happening more often than not. 

Akira takes deep breaths, trying to clear his mind and allow only the positive thoughts to roam through it, chasing away the darkness by opening his eyes and letting them settle on Goro, his heart feeling so much lighter even despite the situation he’ll soon have to face. There is only one thing Akira regrets when it comes to him.

So many times he lamented over the fact he’ll never get a chance to experience everything he wanted with Goro, so many times he cried alone at night and speculated over the impossible what-ifs, only to have the real Goro before him to chase all his dreams away. Not to say Akira changed his mind, but with the boundaries the brunette set, all of Akira’s daydreams suddenly seem too rushed and out of place. 

But when all of this is over, no matter how it ends, Akira will finally tell him how he feels. Taking it slow be damned, he waited long enough and with how paranoid he is he doesn’t want to add another reason to his anxiety.

For the next ten minutes silence reigns over the attic, Akira’s hands intertwining with Goro’s own, Morgana purring quietly at his side. Until almost half an hour before the meeting the chiming of bells could be heard, and all of Akira’s courage he managed to gather flies out the window. 

He allows himself to relax a little upon hearing Ann’s cheerful voice exchanging greetings with Sojiro. Akira knows he’s prolonging the inevitable, but it’s comforting to know he’s still surrounded by the people who aren’t kept in the dark about the purpose of this meeting. It’s better if they come one by one, this way Akira can at least have few words with each of them before addressing the most pressing issue.

He can feel Goro’s hand squeezing his own with even more strength, turning towards the brunette to tell him he will be alright, only to find him looking forward with concentration, frowning and sighing softly. Only then does Akira remember he’s not the only one who’s going to be the center of attention. Goro will be expected to explain himself even more than Akira, the ravenette feeling guilty for never bringing up how he feels about it. 

It’s no use trying to fix his mistake now with the second voice ringing out from downstairs, loud and carefree as always, answering to a question Akira could quite catch.

“No way! Ain’t no party without a little bit of help, you know.” Ryuji says while climbing up the stairs with Ann.

“How the hell did you even get it?” Ann asks.

“Oh you know…” Ryuji shrugs, the pair already in the attic and the blonde’s eyes landing on Goro immediately, him and Akira standing up to greet him. “… I have my ways.” Ryuji finishes with his trademark grin, slightly restrained from the one Akira remembers. 

It hasn’t been that long since they hung out, but for quite some time Akira felt like something wasn’t right and he knows now that it wasn’t Ryuji’s fault. The feeling was present every time someone decided to spend time with him, showing through the fake laughs, forced conversations and hangout spots never chosen for his own entertainment, Akira always feeling like he’s just a dead weight in someone’s plans.

It’s present in how Ryuji gives him a fist bump which reeks of unfamiliarity and ends fast enough to make Akira feel like they’re just strangers. The ravenette appreciates how Ryuji tries to do the same for Goro, the brunette looking at him in confusion but proceeding to go along with the greeting. 

“Yo. Took you long enough to come back.” It’s not meant to be accusatory, Akira knows that, but he can’t help but frown a little in restrained anger. He shouldn’t feel like this, not when his own reaction was so much worse than that.

“I apologize. I’ll make sure to properly explain myself once we’re all gathered here.” Akira admires how easy it is for Goro to just simply talk, an ability Akira isn’t even sure he can muster up at the moment, even with just the five of them being present in the attic. 

With Akira being dedicated to keeping quiet until asked a question, Goro politely smiling and hoping to lighten up the mood with his charm, and the rest of the company still being awkward around them both, Akira is glad that Ann is as oblivious as ever, striking up a conversation with Morgana and breaking the silence. She helps Ryuji with unpacking the bag he brought with him, revealing numerous bottles of beer the blonde somehow managed to get a hold of. Akira looks at the table and wishes he could grab one right now and gulp it down, just so he wouldn’t have to be sober for this.

Soon enough, the next guests arrives. This time Makoto walks up the stairs, polite and in control as ever. Akira can’t say he can feel himself calming down any time soon, the crowd already beginning to form and not leaving him enough space for his thoughts. It’s a blessing how Makoto keeps Goro occupied with simple questions, allowing Akira to focus on his voice and forget about the task he has been assigned with for the meeting.

If anyone noticed how Akira didn’t utter a single word since the former thieves began to arrive, no one addressed it. And as much as Akira would love for it to stay this way, the gnawing feeling inside of him keeps whispering the words he should have kept locked away. _They don’t even notice you. You don’t matter to them._

He’s grateful that Goro takes it upon himself to talk for the both of them, Akira observing how he already switched to being his old, pleasant self that Akira doesn’t even know he still despises. He tries to shove the feeling aside, knowing very well the brunette struggles to stay in control for Akira’s sake, letting him relax for few minutes longer. The effort is futile, Akira feeling even worse knowing that on top of everything else, he not only caused trouble to everyone around him, but once again disregards Goro’s own feelings, clearly seeing how the brunette would rather be anywhere else but here.

When Yusuke arrives, Akira is granted at least a little bit of reprieve. The artist was never the one to treat anyone differently regardless of their feelings, a trait Akira is immensely grateful for. He can’t remember when was the last time they talked, but no matter how much time passed it doesn’t seem to pose any kind of problem for Yusuke, striking up a conversation with Akira like nothing ever changed, finally making him speak up. 

It’s almost time for the meeting to start, but Haru and Futaba are nowhere to be seen. It comes as a surprise to Akira that he’s not particularly worried about reuniting with the both of them, but as the full hour strikes and the girls still haven’t arrived, he starts to wonder about the reason for the hold up. Akira finds it right next to him. Goro is sitting with his hands clenched into fists, biting his lip and looking downwards, taking advantage of the short moment when he’s not being bombarded with questions.

In the midst of Akira’s own troubles he forgot that Goro isn’t exactly without any blame, being partially responsible for Futaba’s isolation and Haru’s own struggles with the company she inherited way too soon. While the ravenette is confident they won’t bluntly address the issue, not with everyone present at least, he knows they have forgiven him a long time ago. But it’s one thing to forgive a dead person, and different having to do the same for the one they will have to face directly.

“They will come.” Akira whispers to Goro, knowing exactly that’s the reason for his distress.

Goro turns towards him, smiling sadly with no conviction behind it, “I know. They’ll be here for you.” Akira doesn’t appreciate how he turns his words into a reassurance the ravenette doesn’t need, depriving himself of any in turn.

Before Akira has a chance to respond, the last visitors finally arrive. He can sense Goro tensing next to him, and as much as Akira would love to try and clear his mind before the moment of truth, all he can think of is how to distract Goro from the issue at hand. 

“You can sleep at my place today if you want.” There is no way it’s going to happen, Akira knows that, but the blush that appears on Goro’s face is enough to show Akira he succeeded in his goal. He’d be lying if he said the image isn’t chasing away all his current worries. 

“W-Why are you bringing it up now?!” They should have done it much earlier, Akira feeling all of his own insecurities leaving him upon seeing Goro’s flustered expression.

“To distract you, of course.” Akira replies smugly.

“Well, it’s certainly working.” Goro says with a pouty face, his irritation so obviously fake Akira can’t help but smile, completely forgetting they’re not alone in the room.

“Just when I forgot what I’ve been missing in my life.” Futaba speaks up, both boys looking away from each other at being called out.

“Told you, we can finally have our true ending.” Ann squeals, putting her hands to her face. Akira wants to die on the spot.

“Then what the hell was with the punching?” Ryuji asks with confusion, already holding one of the beer bottles. Akira wants the sofa to swallow him whole.

Yusuke shakes his head, “I admit, such aggression is certainly unbecoming of Akira.” _Please, stop._

“Dude, you kidding me? This guy wanted to fight me over the last sandwich in the store!” Ryuji shouted. Akira thinks that if Goro really loves him, surely he would understand that killing him right now would be a much better choice than getting to the end of this meeting,

“I think… I can recall a similar incident happening in the school store.” Makoto adds, betraying all the trust Akira still had in her.

“Please, everyone. I think we have something else we need to discuss.” Haru interrupts, and Akira feels himself sweating all over again, only to notice everyone’s eyes aren’t directed at him, but at Goro.

During the short banter the brunette managed to compose himself enough to come back to his old Detective Prince persona, smiling softly and making Akira even more nervous that he was before.

“Don’t think you can charm your way out of this!” Futaba points a finger at Goro, “We know your games.”

The smile falters and Goro sits back a little, allowing himself to show the honesty he was dreading to reveal. “My apologies. It’s hard to overcome certain habits of mine.” 

“Don’t even start…” Morgana interjects, “I told you to stop making Akira worry, but no… You’d rather be dramatic and show up two years later.” the cat fusses.

“If I recall correctly, didn’t you do the similar thing, Mona-chan?” Haru inquires, looking at the cat with amusement.

“T-That was different!” he tries to argue.

“Umm… How? Do you have any idea how devastated we were after thinking we lost you?” Ann adds dramatically, knowing exactly how Morgana reacts when it comes to her.

“L-Lady Ann… I- I didn’t think…!” Morgana stutters.

“Ok, give me a break, I can’t stand this lovey-dovey crap.” Ryuji interrupts them, “Yo, Akechi. Don’t you think you have some explaining to do?” 

And so the brunette begins to retell the story of the last two years, Akira losing himself in his voice and momentarily forgetting about his own part he still needs to play. He tries to study everyone’s faces, trying to hide how he’d rather look at Goro’s own for the entirety of his tale. And while this moment is peaceful enough for Akira to relax and gather his thoughts, all of his efforts are meaningless when Goro finishes speaking and the rest of the group talks over each other in search of clarification.

Goro tries to his best to answer every question the former thieves throw at him, Akira wondering whether he should finally speak up, seeing how uncomfortable the brunette starts to become. While he must certainly feel better to have finally come clean with his past, Akira doesn’t miss any glances in his direction, asking for rescue and questioning whether the ravenette is ready for Goro to pass the baton and finally find out the truth he’s been dreading to accept.

When the group more or less settles down, the conversation slowly steering to more light-hearted topics and Goro not being the center of attention anymore, Akira makes a decision. Goro notices it even before he does, the brunette looking at him with such hope and affection Akira stands up even without realizing it, the rest of the group looking at him questioningly.

“There is something I need to tell you all.” Akira hears himself saying with conviction. Without backing down, seconds thoughts or stuttering like a fool. He can’t run away anymore, not when Goro’s happiness depends on the matter of his own.

When he sees everyone’s eyes looking at him, Akira gathers up courage and continues. “First of all, I want to thank you all for coming, I know we haven’t been-“

“Dude, you don’t have to be so formal, y’know.” Ryuji interrupts him, “We’re all friends, aren’t we?”

Such a simple statement, and yet it carries the meaning Akira wanted to uncover all along. _They’re… my friends._

Akira takes a deep breath. It’s a little easier to speak this time. He’s not afraid. “I want to apologize.” A few minutes ago Akira would never believe the confused looks he’s given are the result of the fear which was never real, but now he can’t bring himself to smother the feeling of hope suddenly consuming him. He sees Goro from the corner of his eyes smiling knowingly at him.

“I know I’ve been an awful friend to every one of you for the longest time. I tried to run away from you all, believing that… that I will only get hurt more if I allow myself to be vulnerable.” 

Akira sees Ryuji sipping beer with his eyebrows raised, few people already shaking their heads. “You… you didn’t need me. I was just a burden, and… I thought, I _knew_ , you were pitying me whether anyone said about me helping them. Because I was never truly useful to you. You were always strong enough to do anything on your own.”

Makoto wants to protest, but Ann stops her before she can say anything. “I was angry. I was so, _so_ angry when I thought about how you were always lying behind my back, thinking how funny it must be to make me think like I ever mattered.” 

Morgana looks away, knowing first-handedly how bad some days were. “I was living a lie. I tried to run away from the danger that never existed. I caused all of you so much pain, and yet you’re all still here.” It’s getting harder for Akira to continue, the boy biting his lip and trying to steady his breathing.

“So much time has passed when all I did was push you away. So many times I thought about… about… ending it all…” He needs to hold back the tears just for a little longer. “And you still stayed by my side.”

Akira takes a shuddering breath, feeling the wetness on his cheeks, “So… I know I have no right… to ask for this, but… please…” With the one last look at the group, Akira says the words he isn’t even aware of keeping inside for so long. “Forgive me.” 

The group is silent as Akira sits down, no longer able to support himself as the dam breaks and the tears fall freely down his cheeks. As it soon turns out the words are not needed anymore, Akira barely registering the table being moved and several people rushing to his side, first Futaba and then Ann throwing their arms around him. 

There is no need to keep up appearances as the meeting turns into one huge group hug, the rest of the former thieves joining in and everyone laughing and giggling at the impracticality of their current predicament, several people complaining about someone standing on their foot or not being able to breathe. Akira is the happiest he’s ever been, finally seeing the proof of Goro’s words from when the brunette tried to convince him of the groups’ sincerity.

He’s smiling the widest he’s ever smiled, laughing through his tears at the playful remarks of his friends, his _true friends_ , the words finally finding the rightful place in Akira’s heart. It feels like forever when they decide to break the hug, everyone squeezing Akira within an inch of his life, putting his life back together. By the time all of them are back on their seats the air in the attic is no longer tense, the feeling of gratefulness so overwhelming Akira can’t stop grinning like an idiot. 

And so the party starts, the proper one this time, with everyone joking and laughing like they haven’t seen each other in years. And they probably haven’t, once the group lost their most important member any future hangouts never felt the same. But they’re all here this time, standing the test of time and staying together, despite the troubled past.

The hours pass, and when it’s finally time to head home Akira finds himself reluctant to let everyone go, the switch in mindset so blatant the ravenette doesn’t know why he could ever think otherwise. With his mind fuzzy from the beer and his stomach filled with the cake Haru brought, Akira wonders how hard the trip home would be after eating all this, helping everyone clean up and making sure to say goodbye to every person leaving the café. The promises of seeing each other soon are genuine this time, no longer laced with hopelessness and the certainty of the plans falling through. 

Once everyone leaves Leblanc, Akira locks up the door and heads upstairs to Goro, who decided to help with the remaining clean-up, the ravenette not wanting it any other way. But Akira spent way too much time talking with his guests, and the remaining mess is not worthy enough of taking a priority over him. So Akira walks up the stairs, the brunette’s eyes immediately landing on him, having never left him for the entirety of the party. 

Goro knows Akira well enough to know that while the guests were an important part of the evening, having spent so long without any contact was a punishment enough. So when the ravenette is close enough to Goro, he wraps his arms around him and pulls him close, the proximity making him relax, grounding him in the conviction that from this point on, everything will be as it should have been a long time ago.

But it’s not enough for Akira. Discovering that many of his past promises were never broken, he intends to keep another one he made just before the meeting, pulling away from the hug and putting his hands on Goro’s waist. 

“I’m proud of you.” The brunette says while smiling widely, still having his arms wound behind Akira’s neck. Their faces are far enough for Goro to feel comfortable, but close enough to carry the possibility of something Akira has been craving for too long now.

The ravenette doesn’t say anything, instead looking straight into Goro’s eyes, seeing him do the same, both boys enjoying each other’s presence. Staying like this Akira feels free, no longer bound by the feeling of uncertain future and people he was trying to let go. This time the future he sees is no longer dark, illuminated by the light brought by the people who somehow decided to stay in his life, the most important of them all standing right in front of him.

It’s only fitting for the evening to end like this, letting Goro know just how important he is to Akira, so after a minute of silence the ravenette finally decides to speak up. “Goro, I-“

Before he has a chance to go any further, Goro puts a finger on his lips, preventing any more words from getting out. Akira could easily disregard that minor obstacle, and yet something in Goro’s eyes tells him he’s going too far. 

“Akira.” Goro sighs, his next words practically a whisper with how close they are to each other, “I’m sorry. I know what you want to say, but now is neither the time nor the place for this.” Akira wants to argue, but seeing how the spell seems to be broken he lets Goro continue.

“I hope you’ll forgive me for being selfish, but there is still so much to do before it can happen. Please, try to understand.” And he does, but he was hoping Goro would change his mind and forget about his previous reservations. 

Akira rests his forehead against Goro’s own, knowing the brunette trusts him enough to know he won’t go any further. He should be angry for once again letting himself be silenced, the confession clogging his brain for so long Akira doesn’t know how much longer he’ll be able to keep it from being known. But it’s different this time. There is no threat, no dangers of the Metaverse, not forces trying to keep them apart. 

Their lips are almost touching, and yet Akira makes sure they stay apart, “Please. Tell me I won’t be late this time.”

Goro brings his hands to Akira’s face, “You never were.” And it’s enough to put Akira’s mind at ease, knowing that all this time his feelings were evident without the need to speak of them. 

“Does it mean you’ll stay the night?”

Goro snorts, breaking out the hug and pushing Akira away playfully, “You hopeless romantic.”

He doesn’t stay, but Akira can wait. There are only few days separating him from the rest of his life where Goro is no longer a dream.

~~~~~ 

“ _That’s_ where you’ve been hiding?”

“ _Please_ , try to tone down your excitement. I don’t want to have neighbors knocking on my door.”

When the weekend comes, Goro decides to come back to Osaka for the rest of his belongings. Having nothing worth staying for and being tired of wearing the same set of clothes already, the boys decide to travel back to Goro’s apartment to take his remaining possessions and come back to Tokyo. 

Despite spending almost two years in the same place, Goro never focused on decorating the place, having only the most basic of necessities and few books just to pass the time somehow. It’s easy enough to stuff everything into two, big traveling bags and leave, putting this chapter of his life behind.

“Are you sure that’s all?” Akira asks. Taking his belongings with him is one thing, but Akira can’t believe that there is not a single person Goro needs to explain his departure to. 

“What do you mean? You know I was never the one to hoard pretty things.” Goro answers, the ravenette unsure if he’s being evasive or not.

“What about your job?”

“I was never bound by any contract, I can leave whenever I want.” Goro replies swiftly, clearly eager to walk out of the apartment already.

“What about your colleagues? Won’t they be worried?”

“Akira, I’m pretty sure I told you I’ve been trying to avoid other people. So can we please leave it be and go?” Akira knows that, but if Goro helped him make amends with his own friends, if there is a way for him to do the same for Goro, Akira will try his best to make it happen.

“I know you want to help,” Goro continues, seeing Akira’s thoughtful expression, “but there is nothing you can help me with. I just want to leave this city. I think we both have better places to be.” he smiles at Akira, the ravenette doing the same, taking Goro’s hand and walking out of the apartment. 

While Ann offered Goro to stay at her place as long as he wants, the brunette can’t take advantage of her hospitality any longer. And while staying with Akira would surely make the ravenette happy, he doubts Morgana would be anything less than disgruntled. Goro hasn’t been in Akira’s apartment yet, but from what he’s heard, the place isn’t big enough for the both of them to live in. Having only one bed is another reason for Goro to consider the offer impossible to take, much to Akira’s dismay. If that happens, Goro is sure no sleeping will actually be involved for the first few nights. 

So with Sojiro’s approval Goro is allowed to stay in the attic of Leblanc, just like Akira before him. The brunette assures the old man the problem of his accommodation will not take long to resolve, knowing very well that Akira took it upon himself to search the web in pursuit of an apartment big enough for the both of them to settle in. Goro is confident that in the time it takes for him to look for the place, he will already warm up to the ravenette’s presence enough and moving in together with him will not pose a problem anymore.

And so few days pass, Akira being a diligent student at Goro’s request and the brunette surprisingly finding himself spending time with the rest of the former thieves at their request. He’s too astonished to know any of them would want to see him on their own, so the option of cancelling the meetings never cross his mind. Even then, once the evening comes Akira finds the time to come to Leblanc to spend some time with Goro, the brunette always making sure he’ll be free by then.

At first glance, everything seems to be the same as it was before, Goro sitting at his usual seat and Akira standing behind the counter working on preparing the coffee. Only the knowledge of the difficult past shared by the two of them is enough to see how many trials they needed to go through before coming back here. 

The cup of coffee is placed in front of Goro, the brunette immediately curious about the picture presented to him on the surface, knowing that Akira will not miss any opportunity to show off. It’s not a heart this time, the former thief knowing that while Goro certainly appreciates them, some variety wouldn’t hurt. 

It’s a circle with several patterns inside it, intertwining and joining in the center. Before Goro has a chance to ask about the meaning behind the patterns, it hits him. “It’s… a dreamcatcher.”

Akira rubs the back of his head, “Yeah, it’s not as pretty as the real thing, but… it will do for now.” _For now?_

“It _is_ pretty. It’s a shame it won’t last for long.” But before Goro takes a sip, he takes out his phone and snaps a picture, just like he’s done for the previous cups Akira made him. 

“Thinking of putting it on your blog?” Akira asks cautiously, remembering what Goro once thought of the question.

The brunette laughs softly, “It’s not a bad idea. Maybe I’ll make a new one.” 

When Goro finally takes a sip, the dreamcatcher’s patterns breaking, Goro finally remembers about the question he was meaning to ask since he started living in the attic. “I noticed the gifts from your friends are still on the shelves.” Goro starts.

“Y-Yeah.” Akira seems embarrassed, “There were too many to take with me to my new place, and I didn’t know where to put them anyway.”

Goro smirks knowingly, quickly changing his expression to feigned disappointment, “That’s a shame. It seems Morgana was lying to me about the layout of your apartment.” When Goro had some free time, the cat decided to spend the day in the attic while Akira was in class. And despite two weeks already passing, Goro has never seen Akira’s apartment, figuring there is no need for that, with the place being so far away and the boys being more comfortable spending time in the café. 

“From what he told me, “Goro continues, “the shelves you have near the bed are still empty, aren’t they?” The brunette marvels at Akira’s startled expression, the ravenette struggling to think of an answer.

“That little snitch.” He mutters under his breath. While Goro can deduce the real reason for leaving the souvenirs behind, he never learned about the story of the gift he gave to Akira.

“One is missing, however. I wonder what happened to it.” And while it shouldn’t matter anymore, Goro dreads to think of Akira throwing the dreamcatcher away, be it from grief or anger. 

“I keep it with me.” The ravenette blushes slightly, “It’s… the only thing I didn’t want to leave behind.” And with so many things already said between them, no more explanation is needed for Goro to know how much the gift means to him. 

“I hope… that whenever we go next it won’t be the only thing on the shelf this time.” Goro says.

And it’s not. Not even two weeks later the boys find an apartment both of them should be able to afford, big enough for taking Akira’s remaining gifts from the attic and placing all of Goro’s possession in the set of drawers in the bedroom they will share from now on. 

The apartment is close enough to the center of the city for them to be able to meet the rest of the group freely after school, the building on the edge of the block of flats, slightly less modern than Goro’s previous apartment, but definitely cozy enough for the both of them to feel safe. But as long as they’re together, even the most run-down shanty would be enough to satisfy them.

When few days after finishing the paperwork the boys are finally home, it’s already a late evening. With Goro busy with cleaning and decorating the place and Akira still busy with college, the ravenette comes in the apartment alone, ditching Morgana for the time being, the cat staying at Futaba’s.

“Welcome home.” Goro calls from the kitchen, still arranging the silverware, one of the many necessities the boys were busy supplying the place with for the last few days. But even with several parts of the house still in slight disarray, Akira feels the familiar warmth filling his heart, the picture so surreal he never thought he will ever see it with his own eyes. 

“Honey, I’m home.” Akira calls out, Goro exiting the kitchen and walking towards him.

“You’re repeating yourself.” Goro places a kiss on his cheek and leads him deeper into the apartment, explaining where he put everything and showing Akira what he bought when the ravenette was away. 

For the next few minutes Goro guides him from room to room, showing him every little detail and speculating what to put in the empty spaces to make the place more cozy, Akira only half listening to Goro’s explanation. When they get to the bedroom, the most spacious place in their apartment, Akira stops and turns Goro around to face him, putting his hands on the ravenette’s waist. 

They’re finally here. Together at the place they will call home, free to live their lives as they please. “Goro…” The gray eyes look into Goro’s own, the brunette pausing and staring back at Akira. 

“Yes?” He’s not stopping him this time. 

Akira puts one hand on Goro’s face, the other finding the brunette’s own and gripping it tightly. “I love you.” The weight has finally been lifted, and Akira feels like he can soar above the clouds, especially when Goro lets go of Akira’s hand and cradles his face, finally breaking down his own defenses and closing the distance between them.

It’s different from the last time, the kiss no longer tainted by the fate always continuing to push them apart. This time, Goro’s lips taste of freedom, the sweet sense of liberation from every hindrance trying to keep them away from each other, freeing his thoughts and allowing him to dream of the future where they’re forever connected with a thread that was never broken. 

With every movement of Goro’s lips against Akira’s, he forgets about every day they were forced to be apart, about every wicked thought trying to break his mind. It’s long gone now, the overwhelming joy the only thing able to fit in Akira’s heart. Goro is everything he can perceive, his senses muffled by the sight and feel of his presence, and Akira knows he doesn’t want to be anywhere else but here.

When they finally break apart, they’re both breathing heavily with their lips brushing, laughing and resting their foreheads together, small confessions exchanged between them again. After the years of isolation, loneliness, and rejection, they are finally here. Alive and happy more than anything, leaving the misery behind and knowing they won’t experience it again, as long as they have each other. 

Akira looks to the side, Goro’s head tucked under his chin, looking out the window above their bed. It’s dark outside, the city lights painting a picture of all the evenings Akira left behind, standing on the rooftop alone, sitting on his bed in his apartment and wishing for the one thing to clear the view and make his life whole again.

He finally found it, every little light outside merging and brightening up their faces, shining at them with nothing blocking the view. With the warmth of their bodies chasing away the cold and the view of the city proving there is nothing left for Akira to be afraid of, he holds Goro closer to him, closing his eyes and knowing that from this point on, they will never be alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *crying* M-My boys are h-happy. *sniff*
> 
> I apologize for all the loose ends I left up to interpretation during the meeting, I'll try to adress them somehow in the future works. 
> 
> I wanted to make the last part a little longer, but I think it's the perfect place to stop. There are still many drabbles coming in this series to look forward to, so you haven't seen the last of me!
> 
> Thank you all so much for reading, I'm extremely grateful for so many people looking forward to the next chapters every time and commenting, I hope we'll see each other again soon!


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